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Five One-Hundreths Of One Percent Of Voting Age Americans Have Spoken!

Iowa caucus observations from the Beachwood Political Affairs Desk.

Who Won?
According to the pundits:

Mitt Romney literally.

Rick Santorum figuratively.

Barack Obama politically.

Yes, But Who Really Won?
It was a tie. Both Romney and Santorum nabbed 11 delegates. And as Democrats remember from 2008, it's all about the delegates.

Then Who Finished Second?
According to Ron Paul, he did.

"We're actually in second place; they were tied for first."

Whose Dropping Out?
Perry and Bachmann.

Why Do Candidates Drop Out After Doing Poorly In A Caucus That Rarely Picks The Final Winner And Thus Doesn't Appear As Relevant As The Salivating Media Make It?
Because of the salivating media.

And money.

It's hard to fundraise after a poor showing in Iowa. And you need money to pay for advertising on media channels which will no longer cover your campaign with anything but derision of you don't drop out.

Was Last Night Bad For Romney?
Only according to media pundits pointing out that he never won over Iowa's hardest-core caucus conservatives.

Is That Important?
Historically, no.

Does The Iowa Caucus Produce More Animal Waste Than All Of Iowa's Farms Combined?
Yes.

Does It Get Worse Every Year?
Yes.

Why?
The media can't help themselves. It's entertainment to them. Covering something like the National Defense Authorization Act is hard, boring and depressing for anyone but teenagers.

Don't They Ever Learn?
No.

Really?
No.

No.

No.

Didn't Pat Robertson Win The Iowa Caucus One Year?
No. He finished second. Ahead of George H.W. Bush. Who went on to become president while Robertson quit before the primaries were over and slunk back to his bully pulpit.

Did The Media Buy Into Robertson?
Well, the Tribune wrote this:

"Pat Robertson's revival-style presidential campaign, fueled by devout grass-roots organizing and the invocation of divine destiny, has begun to shake the nonfaith of some of the flinty-eyed political agnostics and prophets of electoral doom.

"But Robertson, the former director of the Christian Broadcasting Network in Virginia Beach, Va., has displayed unexpected savvy in erecting an energetic corps of volunteers for his political crusade, and he has wrested fresh attention from news reporters who now portray him as a formidable force with which his party must reckon."

Didn't Michelle Bachmann Win The Iowa Straw Poll?
Yes, back in August.

Did The Media Think That Was Important?
Yes.

Where Is Jon Huntsman?
In New Hampshire.

Why Don't Hard-Core Conservatives Like Him?
Maybe because Obama named him ambassador to China in part to sandbag him.

"The administration is now doing its best to shift attention away from the political aspects of the decision, but White House aides were pleased with themselves for pulling this off," Salon reported at the time. "Obama's campaign manager, David Plouffe, had said recently that Huntsman was someone worth fearing in 2012."

But not wholly because of that. For example, he believes in evolution.

Would Obama Really Do That?
Huntsman doesn't realize yet that he's the mark at the poker table. Democrats have played him like a mayor plays the Chicago City Council. For example, that was Bill Clinton the other day telling Bill O'Reilly that Huntsman was the true conservative in the field.

Not on social issues, of course. Huntsman doesn't have that much hate in him. But Team Obama would like to take social issues off the table for its own weird reasons.

Will Santorum Go Down Next?
Enough.

-

Comments welcome. Santorum sex jokes not. Unless they're REALLY good.

-

1. From @BeachwoodReport last night:

* Iowa Caucus Result: Obama wins Republican nomination.

* Iowa Caucus Result: In a landslide, Gingrich uses the words "frankly" and "profoundly" more than any candidate in human history.

* Iowa Caucus News: Perry asks New Hampshire voters to give him victory tonight.

* Iowa Caucus News: Santorum disses welfare recipients in between desperate pleas for more campaign cash.

* Iowa Caucus News: All media predictions & analyses 2nite will be forgotten the second they turn out wrong in the coming days, weeks, months.

* Iowa Caucus News: In Dem race, Obama in tight battle with Maytag repairman.

* Iowa Caucus News: Ron Paul declares caucuses an unwelcome government intrusion into the private sector.

* Goldman Sachs wins Wall Street primary; will run White House for at least another four years.

* In Beachwood caucus news, Old Style holds a slim lead over Miller High Life, with 25 percent of the drinkers reporting.

* Beachwood Inn Exit Poll: Whatever Beer Is The Cheapest holding slight lead over Turn The Jukebox Up and Is It Hot In Here Or Is It Just You?

* RT pourmecoffee: It's not clear who won the African-American vote. Someone should ask him. #iacaucus

* RT Angus Johnston: Every time a pundit uses the words "Santorum" and "threeway" together in a sentence, an angel gets its wings. #iacaucus

* RT Ryan Brack: Fellow #iacaucus junkie? Check out Google's killer elections page. County breakdown & clear visual display of vote. google.com/elections

* RT Danny Zuker: AP is reporting that the Iowa Caucuses are currently too pathetic to call.

* RT Buddy Roemer: Hermain Cain is currently beating me in Iowa. #seriously

* RT The Onion: 600-Pound Butter Cow Sculpture Wins Iowa Caucus onion.com/AAEJ60

2. From Steve Rhodes:

What about the fact that Romney barely campaigned in the state until the end? Isn't that in his favor both because of how he "managed expectations" and how he might have had a larger margin had he gone as hard as Santorum, who needed the collapse of Bachmann, Cain and Gingrich in order to "surge?"

Good point.




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Posted on January 4, 2012


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