Chicago - Dec. 5, 2021
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood Politics
Our monthly archive.
Who We Are
Chicago by the numbers.
Sausage Links
Wiki Daley
Wiki Rahm
Illinois Channel
Ralph Martire
Government Attic
Division Street
Indie Political Report
The Obameter
The Intercept
American Dream Betrayed

Chicago's Next Olympic Bid

Outgoing Mayor Richard M. Daley has advised his successor to forget about seeking the 2020 Olympic bid, but the Beachwood Olympic Bid Task Force begs to differ. We just need to change a few things up this time.

* Send Joey the Clown Lombardo to Switzerland for the final vote instead of Oprah.

* Have Mayor Emanuel send a dead fish with a nice note to each member of the IOC.

* Fund the bid via TARP money.

* Replace Pat Ryan with Scott Lee Cohen

* Agree to lease each of the 1500 meters in the 1500-meter dash to JP Morgan Chase.

* Provide financing for Billy Dec to open a high-concept oxygen bar in Belgium as a joint venture with IOC chairman Jacques Rogge and two of Mayor Daley's nephews.

* Solidify Amsterdam's support by changing the city seal to the Zig-Zag Man and the motto to "Herbs in Horto."

* Remind the IOC that Rich Daley isn't mayor anymore, so our English is better now.

* Outright bribery: still a fine Chicago tradition.

* Mayor Emanuel sends goody bags with stuff swiped from The White House.

* Chicago delegation rents Lindsay Lohan as Official Party Broad.

* Promise to reveal who hired Angelo Torres to the IOC if they pick us.

* Agree to hold the Chicago 2020 Olympics in Africa.

- Scott Buckner, Matt Farmer, Drew Adamek and Steve Rhodes

Comments welcome.


Posted on October 5, 2010

MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - Locked Out And Loaded.

BOOKS - Foxconned.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!