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Chicago Political Oscars 2015

And the Beachwoody goes to . . .

Best Actor: Rahm Emanuel, as someone who cares.

Best Actress: Toni Preckwinkle, as someone who just wants to finish the job at County.

Best Supporting Actor: Rahm Emanuel's bankroll, in a close win over Luis Gutierrez, Bobby Rush and the city's editorial boards.

Best Supporting Actress: Susana Mendoza, as one of two Emanuel campaign co-chairs (with Gutierrez) who just happen to have Hispanic names.

Best Director: Barack Obama, who by total coincidence chose the Thursday before the election out of eight years as president to come to Chicago and compose that unforgettable scene at Pullman.

Best Producer: Ari Emanuel, whose very presence in Los Angeles delivered more out-of-state money than any other location. Plus, he threatened to break our kneecaps if he didn't get this award.

Best Screenplay: The national media, despite controversy that they've simply ripped off their scripts from the Emanuel campaign themselves.

Best Set Design: Chicago Public Schools, for providing the Emanuel campaign with impeccable classroom settings that in no way resemble the ugly scenes we see from the documentary category.

Best Costume Design: Willie Wilson, clad so well as a serious candidate that the media has been afraid to disembowel him for fear of being called racist.

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Comments welcome.



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Posted on February 22, 2015


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