Brown vs. Ford

James Brown vs. Gerald Ford.

Brown: Sex Machine
Ford: Golf Machine

Brown: Feels good.
Ford: Feels wood.

Brown: Exorcised demons.
Ford: Pardoned a demon.

Brown: Godfather of soul.
Ford: Godfather of man without a soul.

Brown: Black and proud.
Ford: White and right.

Brown: Laid foundation for rap.
Ford: Let Nixon beat the rap.

Brown: Tried to whip up a frenzy.
Ford: Tried to whip inflation.

Brown: Worked the chitlin' circuit.
Ford: Worked the speaking circuit.

Brown: Papa's Got a Brand New Bag.
Ford: Papa's Got a Brand New Golf Bag.

Brown: In the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Ford: In the Colorado Ski Hall of Fame.

Brown: Warrants commissioned.
Ford: Warren Commission.

Brown: Prison for two years in 80s.
Ford: President for two years in 70s.

Brown: High-speed chase after fighting with his wife.
Ford: High-profile rehab named after his wife.

Brown: Get Up Offa That Thing!
Ford: Get Up Offa The Ground!

Brown: Celebrity hot tub.
Ford: Celebrity golf club.

Brown: Wore a dashiki.
Ford: Threatened by Squeaky.

- Steve Rhodes, Rick Kaempfer, Bethany Lankin, Marty Gangler