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20 Carols

1. "Little Drummer Boy"

Here comes the savior, Ba-rack-o-ba-ma
He's our new favorite, Ba-rack-o-ba-ma
He transcends race, Ba-rack-o-ba-ma
His ears are too big for his face, Ba-rack-o-ba-ma

2. "Hall-y Jolly Christmas"

Have a Hall-y Jolly Christmas
Tamron works hard every day
but at thirty-six, she needs new tits
watch her funbags on display

Have a Hall-y Jolly Christmas
See the hee-haws that delight
Says her clothes fit better and within her sweater
Those puppies are quite a sight

Oh!
Hey!
Weigel's new toupee
was never mentioned at all
but Tamron's lift is such a gift
you should see her urban sprawl

Have a Hall-y Jolly Christmas
Tamron loves her pert new chest
and we'll all tune in, just to watch the twins
'cause that's what Fox does best

3. "Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!"

Well the news from Iraq is frightful,
And the critics have been insightful,
When Bush needs the bad news to go,
Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!

Oh he will say the black sky is white,
And he will say that your left is right,
But since he smiles the press loves him so,
Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!

"You're on the terrorist's side," he'll say
But he says it with so much charm,
Bush sent him to Iraq today,
His dimples make Sunnis disarm

He can't believe a darn thing he's sayin,
He probably spends his night-time prayin,
On the lecture circuit he'll soon go
Tony Snow! Tony Snow! Tony Snow!

4. "Sell them Noel" (Carol of the Bells)

Lite-FM fell,
Management tells,
Christmas will sell,
Sell them Noel,
Play Christmas songs,
Six weeks or more,
They'll turn you on,
In every store,
Play Bing Crosby right into the ground,
Then play Andy Williams,
Play more Andy Williams,
Sell them Noel,
Christmas will sell,
Sell them Noel,
Christmas song hell

5. "Richard Mell" (Silver Bells)

Busy Blago,
Shopping Blago,
Using taxpayer funds,
Buying gifts for his big campaign donors,
Dressing natty,
Gifts for Patti,
He is having great fun,
Til he sees the last name on his list,
Richard Mell,
Richard Mell,
The man that he treated so shitty,
Dad-in-law,
Will not thaw,
Now Blago just dreads Christmas day.

6. "Good King Lovie Smith"

Bears' coach Lovie Smith looked out
Over all his players
Yes he knows that Rex can't pass
But Rex is a stay-er
Brian Greise rolls his eyes
Rex just keeps on choking
Bears go to the Super Bowl?
Surely you are joking!

7. "Oh Britney" (Oh Christmas Tree)

Oh Britney, Oh Britney,
Why can't you wear your panties?
Though you may be an extrovert,
At least don't wear a miniskirt,
Oh Britney, Oh Britney,
Why can't you wear your panties?

8. "Jesse White's Christmas"

I'm seeing Jesse White's Christmas,
There's his daughter by his side,
Paid a hundred grand, 'cause Jesse's can,
With money the taxpayers provide.

I'm seeing Jesse White's Christmas,
They love him everywhere he goes,
Although Jesse bumbles, his troupe will tumble,
At every Chicago half-time show.

9. "We Three Feds" (We Three Kings)

We, three Feds from FBI are
Bearing subpoenas we travel so far
Rod's been sneaky
But take a peeky
We put a bug in his bar

Oh, governor clever
Governor bright
Rod's been taking bribes alright
Prison leading
He's proceeding
Down the same path as G.R.

10. "Humvees Roasting On An Open Fire"

Humvees roasting on an open fire
Homemade bombs beside the road
Holy warriors in an ululating choir
This shit looked easier three years ago

Everybody knows some armor and some leadership
help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their tenements aglow
will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know al-Sadr's on his way
promising goodies 'mid the decay
And every mother's child is going to spy
for Qaeda, the CIA, and UPI

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
to kids from Basrah to Mosul,
(quick, steal the flak jacket off that corpse!)
A civil-warring Christmas to you.

11. "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

Said Fitzgerald to someone at City Hall.
Do you hear what I hear? (Yes we hear what you hear)
Indicted his way up City Hall.
Do you hear what I hear? (Yes we hear what you hear)
The son, the son, the Mayor still is free,
Though we wonder how long it will be,
Cause Fitzgerald doesn't care about trees

12. "Daley the Red-Faced Mayor"

Daley, the red-faced mayor
Had a very whiny pose
And if you ever saw him
You would think he's been deposed

All of the mayor's best friends
Used to shout out with glee,
"We are the chosen contractors
just make the check out to me!"

Then one humid Chicago night, Fitzy came to say,
Daley with your hands so red, it's time for you to pay

Daley, the red-faced mayor
Had a very whiny pose
And if you ever saw him
You would think he's been deposed

13. "Deck the Halls"

Deck the Hall with squads of G-men
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tis the season to subpoeana
Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our secret handshake
Fa la la, la la la , la la la
Troll the ancient South Side clambake
Fa la la la la, la la la la

14. "The Dreidel Song"

Toddler, Toddler, Toddler, we made you out of clay
and when we pull the strings in your back we tell you what to say

Toddler, Toddler, Toddler, we made you out of clay
And with Bill Beavers calling shots we'll all increase our pay

15. "Silent Knight"

Silent Knight
Holy Knight
All is calm
All is right
Round yon Bridgeport and Armour Square
Robert Sorich was treated unfair
He will bend but not break
He will bend but not break

Silent Knight
Holy Knight
All is calm
All is right
Round yon City Hall, on the fifth floor
There you'll find Da Man behind a closed door
He doesn't want you to speak
He doesn't want you to speak

Silent Knight
Holy Knight
All is calm
All is right
Round yon parish and church you attend
The Daleys and a minister raise money for your defense
Keep your mouth shut tight
Keep your mouth shut tight

16."I'm Dreaming of a Shiite Christmas"

I'm dreaming of a Shiite Christmas
Just like the ones we used to know
When Sadr City glistened
And insurgents listened
Back when we were in our last throes

I'm dreaming of a Shiite Christmas
With every car bomb I set off
May your days be merry and bright
With Sunnis and Kurds out of sight

17. "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Pensions"

All I want for Christmas is my two pensions
my two pensions
my two pensions

All I want for Christmas is my two pensions
my two pensions
my two pensions

And my son to take my former job

18. "Santa Fitz Is Changing This Town"

You better watch out
you better not cry
you better not pout I'm telling you why
Santa Fitz is changing this town

You better not sin
he plays to win
he'll wire you up
and drink from your cup
Santa Fitz is changing this town

He knows when you've been bribing
He knows who's on the take
He knows his way through pension schemes
so you better be good for goodness sake!

You better not cheat
You better not steal
You better review your Rezko deal
Santa Fitz is changing this town

19. "Away In A Precinct"

Away in a precinct, no lawyers to call,
the poor and black suspects got jolts to the balls
Jon Burge rests nicely, all charges escaped
And naps down in Florida 'til morning is late

20. "Walking in a Daley Wonderland"

Daley talks
Are you listening?
In the lane
Flowers glistening
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
Walking in a Daley wonderland

Gone away is Robert Sorich
And his band of really fine men
Massive fraud is just the price we pay
Walking in a Daley wonderland

In my office we can make a clout list
Then hide it when the feds come around
They'll ask us if we wanna cooperate
We'll say: No, man
That's not the way it works
In this town

Later on
We'll conspire
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid
The plans that we've made
walking in a Daley wonderland

On the lakefront we can build a stadium
And pretend that it's a work of art
Then we'll put some faces on a fountain
And call it the Millennium Park

When it snows
Ain't it soothing
Though your car gets a booting
We'll all pay-to-play
The old Chicago way
Walking in a Daley wonderland

Walking in a Daley wonderland
Walking in a Daley wonderland

- Rick Kaempfer, Scott Gordon, ML Van Valkenburgh, Bethany Lankin, Steve Rhodes



Permalink

Posted on December 18, 2006


MUSIC - Blues Fest 2017.
TV - 'The Worst FCC I've Ever Seen.'
POLITICS - Minimum Wage Hikes Work.
SPORTS - On Joe Louis, Race And Sports Heroes.

BOOKS - The Blood Of Emmett Till.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Artist As Alchemist.


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