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Chicago's Statues Speak

Starting in Chicago.

The Beachwood has an exclusive preview:

* The Art Institute Lions: "Bob ROHR-man!"

* The Picasso: "Good statues copy, great statues speak."

* The Bean: "Don't touch me."

* Crown Fountain: "Hey kid, do you want some candy?"

* Miro's Chicago: "I'm surreal too!"

* John Altgeld: "But I don't want to be a housing project!"

* Abraham Lincoln: "No, it's not smartphone neck. I'm just shakin' my head over Illinois."

* The Wrigley Field Noodle: "I'm a noodle, what am I doing here."

* Jack Brickhouse: "I'd rather be at Wrigley."

* Oz Park's Tin Man: "Oil can! Oil can!"

* Batcolumn: "I'm Batcolumn."

* The Michael Jordan: "I'm still better than LeBron. Also, where are all the women?"


But why stop at statues? Other parts of Chicago should be allowed to speak too.

* Every Parking Meter Pay Box: "Exxxcellent."

* The Wrigley Urinals: "I hate myself and want to die."

* The Principal's Phone at Payton Prep: "Rauner used me!"

* Ed Burke's Phone: "He acts like I'm bugged!"

* The Walls of the Mayor's Office: "It's ten times worse than you think it is."

Contributing: Tim Willette, Natasha Julius, Tom Chambers, Steve Rhodes


Comments welcome.


Posted on July 22, 2015

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