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What Next Should Serve Next

"[Grant Achatz's Next restaurant] will feature a menu that will change every three months, tied to a location and time period. Paris 1906 is its inaugural theme; Thai street food (time period undetermined) will follow in June. For future menus, Achatz has floated the idea of Prohibition-era Chicago, New York circa Mad Men and Hong Kong 2036."


The Beachwood Foodie Affairs Desk has learned that the following ideas are also under consideration:

* Chicago 2002, Manny's Deli. A man wearing a brown paper bag over his head will sit at your table as he recreates the time he interviewed - and then hired - Angelo Torres for a city job. Start with a Julienne salad or split pea soup, then choose between stuffed cabbage and roasted tongue - the simulated day in question is a Tuesday - for your entree. Or go with the traditional corned beef sandwich with potato pancakes on the side. A simulated David Axelrod will sit at the next table.

* Richard M. Daley late-night snack, January 2010. Eat the same T-bone steak the mayor was eating at his father's wooden desk in City Hall, lovingly recreated here including a secret petty cash drawer under the Red Squad files, at the time he sealed the deal with President Obama over a secure line to swap his brother Bill for Rahm Emanuel as his successor. Served with a nice chianti and a side of bile.

* June 25, 2010, Carlos Zambrano dinner with Ozzie Guillen, just hours after he freaked out in the Cubs dugout. Featuring arepas filled with asylum-style sedatives to celebrate both their Venezuelan heritage and their fragile grip on sanity. Post-dinner anger management counseling optional. Donuts for dessert.

* Blago family dining room table, 2006. Bring your spouse and discuss job options such as ambassadorships and cabinet positions as you chow down on Boston Chicken and anti-depressants while watching the local news and Wheel of Fortune. Hide in the restroom when we send in a man posing as your budget director. Spiders for dessert.

* Chicago 2036. Blue Plate Special only $20/entree, combined city, county, and state taxes make the total about $299/person.

* Jon Burge, 1975. Dine alone at a re-created Golden Apple after a tough day coercing false confessions by zapping men's testicles. That sort of thing works up an appetite. Start with the chicken noodle soup, complete with little fish crackers. Choose the barbecued beef sandwich or New York strip for your entree. Finish with a generous slab of apple pie a la mode and an inexplicably clean conscience.

* June 2005, Barack Obama seals deal for his Hyde Park home with Tony Rezko at the Medici. Open with the baked goat cheese and hummus, and choose between the turkey burger and grilled skewers. Or just stick with arugula and an alibi. No splitting checks.

* Chicago October 2, 2009, oven roasted onion-rings in a sour marmalade, plated to form the Olympics logo. Garnished with Daley-shaped tears of rose petals and two of the world's smallest violins.

* Cubs Clubhouse, a smorgasbord from the last 102 years. Pop the cork on a bat-shaped wine bottle because there will be no champagne. Munch on the greenies in a bowl on the training table and feel free to smoke. Mashed potatoes, cold cuts, shrimp cocktail and a veggie tray. BYOB. Flintstone vitamins for dessert.


Comments welcome.


Posted on May 9, 2011

MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - Locked Out And Loaded.

BOOKS - Foxconned.


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