Tuition Tales

By The Beachwood Tuition Oversight Affairs Desk

The University of Illinois is increasing its tuition. Here are some ways they might spend the extra revenue.

* Upgrade clout list software

* Put finishing touches on new clout major

* Refinance hush fund

* Emergency expansion of legal department

* Extra sticker thingies for football helmets

* Complete conversion to online-only diploma mill

* Pay off back-dated recruiting bonuses for Deon Thomas

* Give Chief Illiniwek money to start casino

* Buy 2.42 thousand metric tons of Ramen noodles for student body

* Send President B. Joseph White to ethics training

- Eric Emery, Steve Rhodes

COMMENTS:

1. From Beachwood reader Mark:

More black markers for the crew down in FOIA - keep up the good work, kids.

- Suggest your own!