Tribune's Wild Ride

"Tribune Company today announced that Mark Shapiro, a native Chicagoan, has been elected to the company's board of directors. Shapiro is president and chief executive officer of Six Flags, Inc., the world's largest regional amusement park company, a position he has held since December 2005."
- May 9 press release

Among the proposals Shapiro brings to the table:

* Teacup delivery trucks.

* Tribune Tower transformed into Hurricane Mountain.

* Lou Piniella's Wild Ride!

* Raise price of paper to an E ticket.

* Knock over the milk bottles and win a lifetime subscription.

* Reporters not allowed to take mascot uniforms off while on the job.

* Bozo is back!

* You must dunk the columnist before posting a comment.

* The Ghost of Mike Royko Haunted House.

* Cotton Candy now comes with your cotton candy.

* Editorial Board Fright Night! Toss and turn as you decide just when to endorse John McCain.

* Looney Tunes Lodge: Spend an hour practicing newsroom politics.

* Make Tribune Company the Seventh Flag. Then sell the other six to pay down its debt.

* Save money by using real cubs.