Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

TribEye Special

The new editor of theTribune, Gerould Kern, has named Jane Hirt, editor of RedEye, his managing editor. Yes, that's right: the editor of RedEye - who as far as I can tell has never been a reporter - is now the managing editor of the Chicago Tribune.

Here are some other changes the new Tribune management team has in store:

* Editorial board replaced by the cast of The Hills.

* Editor of Streetwise new director of circulation.

* New texting-based style guide eliminating vowels will help shave newsprint costs.

* Instead of offering daycare, new Trib employees can enroll in day care themselves.

* The Trib will save money by replacing the vehicle fleet with skateboards.

* The Trib will save money by shrinking the TV grid, eliminating the History Channel, Discovery, C-Span and PBS.

* Tribune will now take summers off to get in some "me" time.

* Alumni Tribune edition, to be marketed to seniors.

* New features editor: Billy Dec.

* Investigative unit replaced by Trixie Team.

* Tribune stories will now be only as long as Twitter allows.

* Zell buys CTA as an investment in his new core readership.

* Quotes from unfamiliar artists like Bob Dylan to be removed from Zell team's newsroom posters and memos.

* Two reporters, a blogger, a photographer and a web producer to be assigned to the new Pete Wentz beat.

* Paper will shrink in size by eliminating all news that could be construed as "depressing."

* Feature section to be written totally in emoticons. Like, totally.

* New sports feature: Which team has the hottest fans?

* All business beats eliminated; reporters now assigned to malls.

* New metro columnist: John Cusack.

-

Suggestions welcome!



Permalink

Posted on August 21, 2008


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!