Chicago - Sep. 25, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Ramen Review #1: Tradition Noodle Soup Oriental Style

The packaging won me over. The picture on the front resembles the WWII Japanese Army/Navy flag with a full bowl of ramen playing the part of the sun. And why not? TraditionTM ramen noodle soup is proud to announce that it is Oriental style. It's also proud to announce that it is a PRODUCT OF CANADA. Funny that this product of Canada should be as politically correct as my Mother, who, as it happens, is also a product of Canada.

I added the spice packet after the noodles finished cooking and a wonderful smell curled up with the steam from the cooking pot. I was amazed and delighted. It smelled like the fried potatoes at the Christkindlmarkt in Daley Plaza. Every December I visit the same huge German kid in his white Guernsey sweater. He fries thick slices of potato and onion in bacon fat and then dusts it all with white pepper until it starts to resemble a beignet from Cafe du Monde. I danced up and down in my kitchen in anticipation of this fine Japo-Jerry meal. It was going to be VE day and VJ day all rolled into one.

The broth was murky. I closed my eyes and tasted it. It might as well have been water. My body slumped forward with disappointment. There was a slight hint of flavor I couldn't quite place. Although it contained 1470mg of sodium, it still needed salt. I reached for the salt shaker then stopped, concerned that the addition of seed particles would produce a supersaturated solution causing Rock Salt Candy to crystallize onto my spoon whenever it stopped moving. I was also afraid eating that much salt in one sitting might cure me into a corned beef-like product that British naval officers could take with them on long sea voyages.

I poked my spoon at the broth for a few seconds until a single green speck surfaced and sank quickly to the bottom of the bowl. I had another sip. It tasted like a kindly factory worker may have shown the broth a picture of a carrot and an onion at some point during its creation. As it turns out, the ingredient list did include carrot and onion. It also included Torula yeast, a by-product of paper production used to flavor pet foods. I suppose that was the flavor I couldn't quite place. Hey kids, it's Eukanuba style.

This product is Kosher Parve and vegetarian. It's also something else with an eight pointed logo but I can't read Hebrew. And if this is supposed to be a product of Canada, where's the French translation on the packaging? I call Shenanigans. I couldn't find "Nouilles avec des saveurs faibles de tomates et d'aliment pour animaux familiers" anywhere.

TraditionTM ramen noodle soup is cheap, and I admire the fact that the package indicates it is one serving rather than almost every other brand of ramen that suggests that 3/4 cup of wet slop is supposed to be a full meal. But it contains hydrogenated oils and tastes like dishwater, which means I won't be buying it again.

Finally, the raw noodles were insubstantial; flavorless and light, which means you'll have to buy at least three packages of TraditionTM ramen noodle soup if you plan on eating them like potato chips after you get high. You know who you are.

*

Taste/noodle cooked: No distinctive taste to speak of. Warm. Bland. Fatty.
Taste/noodle raw: Light and insubstantial; crispy, thin, and lacy.
Taste/Broth: Very watery and bland.
Odor: Very good.
Hydrogenated oils: Yes.
MSG: Yes.
Calories per serving: 370.
Servings per package: 1.
Sodium per serving: 1470mg.
Price: $.59.
Packets: 1.
Overall Ramen Rating: 3 out of 10>



Permalink

Posted on July 9, 2007


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!