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Exclusive! Why Chicago Lost HQ2

"After running a year-long competition that drew interest from hundreds of cities and a number of states, Amazon has chosen New York City and Northern Virginia to split duty as its second headquarters," CNN reports.

What about us? The Beachwood HQ2 Desk has learned why Chicago didn't measure up:

* Mayor Enyia.

* It all came down to Cody Parkey's kicks on Sunday.

* Chicago just not prime enough.

* About 50 schools short of what they need.

* If only there was a downtown airport for Jeff Bezos's private plane instead of that park . . .

* Republican Party here way too embarrassing.

* Chicago too clingy.

* Too close to Indiana.

* Sneedlings.

* If only there was a museum for narrative art with some Star Wars posters on the lakeshore . . .

* Sick of that "Go Cubs Go" song.

* Billy Goat only serves chips and Coke, but fries and Pepsi are Bezos's favorite.

* Didn't want headquarters in same city as Groupon.

* Obama Center got to Jackson Park location first.

* Didn't realize Hawk Harrelson is retiring, because they weren't going to put up with that.

* Rahm offered to change all the city's clocks, but only New York and Virginia offered true Eastern Standard Time.

* Hot dog rules here too strict.

* Chicago is so two years ago.

* Because neither the country's greatest city nor its capital is located here.


Comments welcome.


Posted on November 13, 2018

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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