Chicago - Nov. 20, 2021
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

The Week in WTF

1. Jesse Jackson Jr., WTF?

Mark December 2nd on your calendar, circus fans. That's the day the U.S. House Ethics Committee decides if it wants to chat with Junior about buying Senate seats.

His primary challenger, former one-term U.S. Rep. Debbie Halvorson of Crete, suggests that voters in the newly gerrymandered 2nd District don't need a congressman "distracted" by ethics issues. In his defense, we have never had any cause to think he's been affected by ethics in any regard. Pater peccavi.

2. William Cellini, WTF?

What now should become apparent, even to state politicians, is that no matter how often they use the defense, the concepts of political bribery and extortion are not murky at all. It's so obvious that anyone can figure it out. Didn't protect Ryan, Blago or this old fixer.

We should not be led to think that anything will change in Illinois as a result of this trial, because the corrupting power of greed is so ubiquitous as to outweigh even fear of prison. Pecunia non olet.

3. (Not That) David Gregory, WTF?

Bank robbery note from this Criminal Mastermind apparently read: "Give me all your money in small unmarked bills or else I will run into traffic and probably hurt myself . . . also, keep this note. It's important."

Maybe he just got bored with robbing the same bank. Quando omni flunkus, mortati.

4. Mihael Jocic,WTF?

Based solely on the profound superficiality of one mug shot, WTF guesses he's probably one of the Wild And Crazy Guys from a Country That Used to be Yugoslavia, and was only confused by the mixed romantic signals.

This romantic approach always worked for him in Sarajevo strip clubs. American women can be so inscrutable and, as he found out, inscrewtable. Servo permaneo bovis provestri.

5. Tribune Company, WTF?

The three-year battle to dissolve, reconstruct and make any sense of Sam Zell's parting bankruptcy gift to Tribune hit a new comedic high this week.

For you civilians in the audience, here are the only factors worth noting, because they are the only factors the bankruptcy judge is considering.

A) How much can the filthy rich people who should never have made a bad loan to Zell get back, and, by extension, who gets stuck with the biggest cold check.

B) How much can the senior leadership of what remains of Tribune haul away as bonuses.

All other issues are irrelevant to them. Sic transit gloria.

-

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on November 4, 2011


MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - Climate Deniers' 4 Top Scare Tactics.
SPORTS - The McEnroes In Antarctica.

BOOKS - Foxconned.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!