Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

The Week in WTF

1. Emanuel's budget axe, WTF?

Rahm Emanuel took an axe and gave his unions 40 whacks. And when he saw what he had done, he gave Mayor Daley 41.

How bad was Daley's attention to the financial health of the city? Picture the captain of the Titanic. Pretty ship; sank like a rock because of lousy rivets. How bad was Daley as a money manager? Bad enough to make Emanuel look like Disraeli.

And as much as critics (we among them) are skittish about the new mayor's cred on many issues, there is no sign he's playing games other than hardball on the fiscal foolery of the last two decades.

We prefer to express our cynicism as unfiltered bolts of lightning, but the evidence seems to indicate that Chicago is on its way to being managed in a more sensible way.

WtheF! Hopeful optimism gives us the effing willies.

2. Pogofsky's balls, WTF?

There is no ugliness like family inheritance ugliness. This story of White Sox kin gone askew proves why it's better to die dirt poor, or at least it's less complicated. You can never protect your balls after you're dead. Just a warning.

Maybe the old man died just to get away from his two sons, who are fighting with every claw, fang and $500-an-hour barrister afforded to rich nut jobs. True, a signed Babe Ruth baseball can fetch $25,000 or so, but this case seems like it goes back to when the brothers were six.

There is even "an emergency order of protection for one brother and his puggle, Jolie," according to the Tribune. As Indiana Jones said, now you're getting nasty.

A puggle is a dog that results when a pug can't run away fast enough to avoid being impregnated by a beagle. Or it's the, reverse if the pug has a stepladder.

3. Larry Dominick, WTF?

We suppose there are other local Chicago-centric towns with more old criminal baggage than Cicero.

On the other hand, the Cook County Jail doesn't count as a separate town.

4. Martin Sandoval, WTF?

And speaking of Cicero, the Sergeant Schultz of the state Senate says he's totally blameless for this fiasco because he was totally ignorant.

Never heard of "Jaws" Giorango? Yes, for a local pol to give out a state legislative scholarship to Giorango's son without knowing anything about the student or his dad does qualify as stupendous ignorance. The conduit for the scholarship was a paid Sandoval aide who lives in a house owned by Giorango.

"I don't know who he is or who he's related to because I didn't give him the scholarship," Sandoval told the Sun-Times.

Only in Cicero is ignorance of plainly evident facts considered almost as good as being innocent.

Guilty? Okay, maybe not.

But stupid? Yes.

Nothing smelly there. I know NOTH-ing.

5. Guns in bars, WTF?

This is a long stride ahead in civilization on several fronts and Illinois likely will take up its version this spring. Belly up to the bar, boys, and keep your trigger finger itchy. We're all in favor of armed bar patrons. It's more fun than the sports trivia machine, although the penalty for a wrong answer is a little stiffer.

Casual drinkers who are not prepared to arm themselves will have to stay home and drink, thereby reducing drunken driving. But if they come to the bar, they'd better be armed.

If a night of drinking in the bistro springs into a gun battle, at least there will fewer left alive to get in their cars afterward.

That's good for the rest of us.

In fact, WTF proposes officially sanctioned Chicago gang bars where patrons are required to bring heat.

Natural selection is a wonderful thing.

-

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on July 8, 2011


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!