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The Week in WTF

1. Bill Brady, WTF?

Just how lousy a candidate was Bill Brady?

Way lousy. Illinois elected several crazy people Tuesday. Against that grim qualitative standard, Brady still fell below the Mendoza Line.

He not only lost a race almost any normal (breathing regularly) Republican would have won, he does not comprehend that he lost. Nope, he says. I didn't lose. There are more votes to count.

At this moment, this hard-edged clear-thinking businessman is waiting for results from the outlying Inca precincts because he's very strong in the dead-700-years-ago Latino demographic. When those write-in votes from Machu Picchu arrive, he's sure to be over the top. Just be patient.

Here's what it all means, Elmer.

Illinois is in a gargantuan fiscal mess and its new governor is gargantuanly addlepated. This is an improvement because his predecessor was more crooked than a tick hound's hind leg. But Brady? Nah. There were 1.7 million Illinoisians who said we must have Gomer Pyle, USMC.

It now appears that the GOP guy who said he could fix the Illinois red-inky budget can't add.

2. Melissa Bean, WTF?

She appears about 300 votes short of stopping Joe Walsh from taking her suburban 8th Congressional District seat. Walsh's credentials for the job include a recent foreclosure, multiple suspensions of his driver's license, lapses in his auto insurance and the really, really pissed defection of his top campaign staff who thought he was too crazy even for them. If he hangs on, he will among the 20 or so looniest Tea Partiers who will bring a deep sense of unchecked lunacy to American government.

How could this happen? The district is temperamentally conservative, but Bean is more conservative than most old-time Republicans. She raised $1.9.million at last reports and spent $1.7 million, though WTF doesn't have the faintest idea where the money went. Her ads didn't start to appear regularly on Chicago TV until the last few weeks.

Her top five contributors were Exelon, JPMorgan Chase, Goldman Sachs, CME Group (does the term "credit default swap" ring a bell?) and Baxter International. On most fiscal issues, Bean was the most Republican of all the Democrats. A Republicrat. But she wasn't a crazy undercover Republican.

We hope the U.S. House of Representatives has a corps of burly psych ward orderlies at the ready. Oh, doctor, Mr. Walsh needs his daily Thorazine, and bring the electro-shock device, too.

3. Tony Peraica, WTF?

You can't beat a dead horse too often for WTF's taste. They don't fight back.

So here's another thump on Tony Peraica's derriere. Among the most amusing skirmishes before Tuesday's vote, it's hard to beat Peraica's alleged late-night ramblings and skullduggeries. He was even supposedly dressed all in black as a good Political Ninja should. Suh-WEET. All he needs now is a Bat Cave. Tony was courting the Keye Luke vote.

He said he was set up by political foes. They say he was just being his usual jerk self and destroying his political foe's signs, which seems a Katzenjammer Kids sort of badness.

Truth is always a good defense. Barring other evidence, WTF believes Peraica was ousted from his commish seat because of ill-fitting Ninja duds. Cheap Ninja duds are always too snug in the place where being too snug is very uncomfortable.

5. Conrad Black, WTF?

Upon further review by the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, the decision on the field is confirmed. He's a low-down skunk and a felon. And by that, we mean he's still a low-down skunk and felon.

We can only hope his defense in federal court is draining his piggy bank of the money he stole.

5. Illinois Turkeys, WTF?

We don't know what it means in the larger metaphysical sense. You tell us. Turkey blazes around Thanksgiving burn up Illinois homes more often than anywhere else in the country except Texas. We are dangerous with exploding stuffing.

So, we suggest Bill Brady stay away from open flames this month. We refuse to explain the joke if you don't get it.

-

David Rutter is the former publisher/editor of the Lake County News-Sun, a Sun-Times Media property. He welcomes your comments.



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Posted on November 5, 2010


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