The Five Dumbest Ideas Of The Week

By Stephanie B. Goldberg

1. This week we learned that the most efficient way to reach a state or orgasmic zen does not involve slipping a rope around your genitals.

Grasshopper, as you peer down from the cosmos and reckon the grief that attended your death, not to mention the invasion of your poor ex-wife's privacy and all the lame jokes that will commemorate your passing, don't you regret not just using Craigslist?

2. Simon Cowell announced he plans to remake Saturday Night Fever, with Zac Efron as Tony Manero. Which will only work if Lindsay Lohan is cast as the love interest and Sam Ronson as the DJ.

3. Because there just aren't enough product liability lawsuits to keep lawyers busy, this week the FDA approved a mini-laser for at-home nips and tucks.

Examiner.com's Martha Kepner notes that she's "positively tingling" over the news, which leads us to believe that David Carradine's life could have been saved if the FDA's bureaucracy didn't move so slowly.

4. If lasers don't do it for you, how about an itty bitty microwave oven that comes with a USB plug so you can power it via computer.

Manufacturer Heinz has dubbed it the Beanzawave because it's perfect for warming a can of beans at your desk. Also marketable to the growing homeless demographic.

5. Bret Michaels compounded the embarrassing denouement of his performance at the Tony Awards by complaining that he didn't merit the same level of concern from show producers as Liza Minelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John would have if they had been conked on the head in a prop mishap.

Wait a minute - who thought inviting Bret Michaels to perform at the Tony's was a good idea in the first place?

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The Five Dumbest Ideas Of The Week appears in this space very Friday. Stephanie welcomes your comments, tips and suggestions.

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