The Five Dumbest Ideas of The Week

1. Christopher Hitchens has been called many things - turncoat, neocon, the world's 27th most important public intellectual - but none dare call him a pussy. Recently, Hitchens endured close to two minutes of waterboarding so that he could dispel any lingering doubts in the minds of Vanity Fair readers that the so-called interrogation technique is, indeed, torture.

2. War, huh, what is it good for? Well, if you're Beirut entrepreneur Ali Hamoud, it provides you with a bold and completely tasteless premise for a theme restaurant called Buns and Guns.

3. So thorough is her humiliation that not even I can pile on Christie Brinkley this week. So I'll do the next best thing and pile on The Today Show, which ran a 14-minute segment about the celebrity divorce while managing to decry "the hype and media frenzy."

4. Equally ironic is the plight of the Los Alamos man who wanted to change his name from Variable to Fuck Censorship but was turned down by the New Mexico Court of Appeals. Oddly enough, that would have been a big improvement over one of his previous names: Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon.

5. Memo to George Soros: Now that Rush Limbaugh's been offered a $400 million contract for the next eight years, how about offering him $500 million not to broadcast his show?

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