Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
Ultra Local Geography
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

The False Promise of eBay

Online auction giant eBay claims in its commercials that "Whatever IT is, you can get it on eBay." We at the Beachwood decided to put this to the test. What we discovered was shocking. There are, in fact, numerous things that you can't buy on eBay, including the following:

1. An elephant.

2. West Nile Virus.

3. Karma.

4. A booger.

5. The Stanley Cup. (You can, however, get an inflatable replica.)

6. A 1986 Chicago Tribune from when the Bears won the Super Bowl.

7. A Billy Joe Tolliver jersey.

8. A City of Chicago job.

9. Anything with the name "Stroger" on it. Unless you're looking for legendary bluesman Bob Stroger.

10. Tony Peraica's sense of direction.

11. A human baby.

12. A 1979 Toyota Corolla.

13. A meth lab kit

14. A copy of the FBI's files on Mayor Daley.

15. Amelia Earhart's wreckage.

16. Dignity.

17. The gum Ditka threw at a 49ers fan.

18. David Mark Karr fan club membership.

19. Amish electronics.

20. A virgin.

21. William Shatner's body hair.

22. Marshall Applewhite's secret recipe.

23. A lock of Joan of Arc's hair.

24. The Magnificent Ambersons: Director's Cut.

25. eBay.

- ML Van Valkenburgh, Scott Gordon, Rick Kaempfer, Tim Willette


Posted on December 9, 2006

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!