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Signs A Recession Is On The Way

1. New strip mall construction sign stating "Future Home of Happy's Restaurant" now reads "Future Home of County Soup Line."

2. Soup lines are hiring.

3. Coming soon to every corner: Soupbucks. "I'll have a Hot Venti Lentil with a Two-Shake of Salt and a non-fat Pepper Pour.

4. 401(k)s are now valued lower than 501 jeans.

5. 401(k)s are now 401(z)s.

6. 401(k)s now worth $401.

7. Moving back in with your parents sounds like a good idea.

8. Moving back in with your grandparents sound like a better idea.

9. Stealing your grandparents' identity sounds like the best idea.

10. Hummers are re-purposed as homeless shelters.

11. Condos are re-purposed as public housing.

12. Hummers are re-purposed as condos.

13. You can suddenly get home loans really cheap. Er, wait . . .

14. Bankers consider jumping out of windows.

15. Customers personally escort bankers to the ledge.

16. Cities impose out-of-network suicide fees.

17. Donald Trump's new high-rises only go 11 floors.

18. Donald Trump replaces all full-time employees with apprentices.

19. Donald Trump gets into the public housing business.

20. Bankers light their cut-rate cigars with mortgage papers.

21. Insurers light their cut-rate suits on fire with cut-rate cigars.

22. Homeowners light their homes on fire to avoid foreclosure.

23. Media companies sell newsprint to U.S. Treasury so they can print more money.

24. Milton Bradley sells Monopoly money to U.S. Treasury.

25. Milton Bradley named U.S. Treasurer.

*

- Eric Emery, Marilyn Ferdinand, Marty Gangler, Kathryn Ware, Bethany Lankin, Tim Willette, Steve Rhodes

*

New additions:

26. Chicago's next hot, up-and-coming neighborhood: Hooverville.

27. Chicago switches to wrought-plastic fencing.



Permalink

Posted on October 17, 2008


MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


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