Shit My Dad Says

Justin Halpern created a firestorm of buzz with his "Shit My Dad Says" Twitter feed, a chronicle of humorous musings from his cantankerous, septuagenarian father. Halpern has more than a million followers and just signed a sitcom development deal with CBS.

Since Halpern is living the wet dream of bloggers and Twitterers everywhere, I thought I would try to cash in too. But I rarely leave the house anymore, and my Dad isn't nearly that entertaining. In fact, he's a bit of a homebody too, so I went with the next best thing.

Here, then, is (Boring) Shit My Dad Says:

1. Looks like snow.

2. Turn that down.

3. Nothing good ever happens after midnight.

4. I like margarine better than butter.

5. That Seinfeld is pretty funny.

6. Walgreens is closer.

7. Think I'll turn in early.

8. Needs more WD-40.

9. You just don't understand lawnmowers.

10. Johnny Carson used to be on TV.

11. Looks like rain.

12. Your mother used to be pretty average.

13. Smoking is for hippies.

14. Lasagna gives me gas.

15. Might go fishing tomorrow.

16. What are you, a little ballerina?

17. Looks like gas is getting steep again.

18. I'll be in the garage.

19. Front tire looks a little low.

20. You're gonna go blind.

21. Gonna be a smoker today.

22. The post office is hopping today.

23. I don't like skinny women.

24. Hot today, hot tomorrow.

25. Brett Favre.

-

Your dad? Submissions welcome.

© 2006 - 2020, The Beachwood Media Company