Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022

Huberman's CPS

By The Beachwood Bureaucrat Affairs Desk

* Start times become flexible.

* "The third-grade is delayed today due to heavy snow. Please choose alternate grades."

* KidTracker!

* New evacuation procedures leave kids stranded in basement.

* Slow zones introduced in every third school while books are re-binded.

* History of Mass Transit in Chicago banned from high school libraries.

* Metal detectors replaced by turnstiles.

* No eating, drinking or littering.

* Citizens welcome to walk up and down aisles of classrooms preaching Jesus and selling socks.

* Humans no longer allowed to use P.A. systems.

* Annual funding crisis will continue as usual.

* Each bell accompanied by announcement of the next class and which side the doors for it open.

* School buses outfitted with error-filled maps rejected by the CTA.

* School board members change jobs with CTA board members. Oh wait, they already do that.

* Announcing the new SuperSchool at Block 37.

Posted on January 27, 2009

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.

TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.

POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.

SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.

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