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Replacing Marilyn

Marilyn Monroe is leaving Michigan Avenue and taking her big skirt with her. What's next for Pioneer Court? We have some ideas.

* A stack of Richard M. Daley's pension checks. So fat they should just about reach Marilyn's height.

* Rahm Emanuel in a dress. Billowing like Marilyn from all the sunshine the city council is blowing up his ass.

* A giant parking meter lease. So we can all finally see the fine print for ourselves.

* Rahm's infrastructure trust. We can't describe what that would look like because no one knows.

* A big cow. It worked in the '90s!

* Randy Michaels. Peering up under a woman's skirt.

* Sam Zell. Artist's depiction.

* This giant T-shirt.

* Sarah Palin. Something respectful. Watch the reaction of (so-called) liberals for a fascinating sociological study.

* Harold Washington. For real.

* David Koschman. For real.

* A soldier. And a list of every soldier from Illinois who has died in Afghanistan and Iraq.

* A giant replica of the Freedom of Information Act. Facing City Hall.

* The return of the American Gothic pitchfork. Couple not needed.

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Comments welcome.

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1. From Beachwood Mark:

* A statue of the Ricketts family. With the poor siblings' empty pockets turned inside-out and their palms extended.

* A BodyWorlds-style model of a Chicago alderman.. Clearly showing the lack of a spine.

* A talking Ozzie Guillen statue. One dollar gets you one profane, semi-coherent phrase; helps fill the void of idiocy since the real Guillen left, pays for itself as tourists and locals alike reach for their wallets, and is only slightly more offensive than the Marilyn statue it replaces.

* A pair of suit pants that doubles as an eternal flame. A nice representation of our local political establishment.

* A replica of Mary Schmich's Pulitzer Prize. Will allow Mary to write a week's worth of columns detailing how it looks when the sun hits it just so.

* Tribute to Mayor Daley. A statue of a man with jumper cables attached to his testicles sticking his credit card into a parking pay box.

* A blow-up of Derrick Rose's MRI. Placeholder for the Larry O'Brien trophy for at least one more season.

* A statue of Michael Jordan dunking on Al Capone with a slice of deep-dish pizza. A perfect Chicago photo-op for the NATO folks.



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Posted on May 8, 2012


MUSIC - Pandemophenia.
TV - NBC's Bicentennial Special.
POLITICS - A New Minimum Merger Maxim.
SPORTS - WNBA Dedicates Season To Social Justice.

BOOKS - The Legacy Of Racism For Children.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Sea Control: Why Chicago?


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