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Random Food Report: Hangover Helper Not Much Help

1. Hangover Helper Pizza Expanding In Chicago.

We can only wonder what took so long.


On the other hand, we fail to see anything on this pizza that is going to help your hangover.

Plus, it's not Hangover Helper Pizza that's expanding in Chicago, it's Toppers. And it's cheesy as hell, forgive the pun.


Now if the brand was actually Hangover Helper Pizza - or Hangover Helpers with a variety of offerings, then we might have something.


Or just Hangover Helper of the traditional variety.


Don't forget to supply your own meat. The stuff is the box is just the "helper."

2. Coffee Chains Ranked.

"Coffee is one of those things where the cure is the disease," Co.Create notes.

Sort of like alcohol.

Which brings us back to Hangover Helper Pizza. Where is the Hair of the Dog Dough? The Aspirin Olives? The Meditative Mushrooms? That's what we're talking about. That's the promise.

But back to the coffee. It turns out McDonald's coffee is the weakest of the bunch - as measured by how much caffeine is in it.

Starbucks is the weakest, though, if measured by how much bullshit is in it.

3. Salads of Sadness.

"The FDA announced this week that a Mexican salad mix served at Iowa and Nebraska Olive Gardens and Red Lobsters contained parasites that cause a severe stomach virus called cyclospora, giving bottomless salad bowls a whole new meaning," Gawker writes.

So the punch line was already built into that item.

4. Taco Bell Announces Next Wacky Doritos Taco.

But they won't tell us the exact wacky flavor because marketing.

5. Charming And Lovable Dunkin' Donuts Continues To Veer Off Track.

At least the latest abominations are only being offered in South Korea and Manila - for now.


Next: Hangover Donuts.

6. Thank God It's Booze.

"An operator of TGI Fridays restaurants in New Jersey raided as part of Operation Swill has agreed to pay a $500,000 fine for serving customers cheap booze when they paid for top shelf," the New York Post reports.

Or, as Damian P. put it: "Unfortunately Hooters was full and this was the last resort, and can I stress that this was the LAST RESORT! Someone shoot me right now! What was I thinking?"

7. Uno Does Texas.

"A legendary Chicago-style pizza chain is bringing its entry into the fast casual dining scene to Plano," the Plano Star-Courier reports.

"Uno Due Go, a sibling of deep-dish pizza specialist Unos, opened Thursday at the northeast corner of Preston Road and Park Boulevard. While Unos is known primarily for its pizza, UDG offers sandwiches, salads, pasta and breakfast muffins, in addition to the pizza that made Unos famous."

So a good hangover spot.

8. Snap Chat.

"Two Illinois Democrats met in Chicago with food stamp beneficiaries as Congress began its summer recess," AP reports.

"U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin and U.S. Rep. Jan Schakowsky say the food stamp program is not the place to look for drastic cuts.

"A group of House Republicans wants to cut the program - also known as the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, or SNAP - by as much as 5 percent, or about $4 billion a year."

And they don't even want to buy recipients dinner.

9. Economic Irony.

"Terrance Wise has two jobs in Kansas City - one at a burger joint, a second at a pizza restaurant - but he says his paychecks aren't enough to buy shoes for his three daughters and insure his 15-year-old car. So he decided to draw attention to his plight: He walked off work in protest," AP reports.

"Wise was among a few thousand fast-food workers in seven cities, including New York, Chicago and Detroit, who took to the streets last week, carrying 'Strike' and 'Supersize Our Wages' signs in front of McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King and other restaurants. They demanded better pay, the right to unionize and a more than doubling of the federal minimum hourly wage from $7.25 to $15.

"We work hard for companies that are making millions," the 34-year-old Wise says, adding that he lost his home last year, unable to make mortgage payments despite working about 50-hour weeks at Pizza Hut and Burger King. "We're not asking for the world. We want to make enough to make a decent living. We deserve better. If they respect us and pay us and treat us right, it'll lift up the whole economy."

In other words, the best way to cut the food stamp program is to eliminate the need.

10. Piggly Wrigley.

"Built in 1914, Wrigley's tiny kitchens and commissaries present unique challenges that food providers do not face at newer facilities," Sports Business Journal reports.

"The proposed upgrades address those issues by adding 30,000 square feet of food preparation and commissary space and increasing points of sale by 50 percent."

In other words, under the Ricketts regime, more space will be used to sell food, merchandise and hotel rooms at the ballpark than to actually play the game.


Comments welcome.


Posted on August 6, 2013

MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - Locked Out And Loaded.

BOOKS - Foxconned.


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