Chicago - Oct. 22, 2018
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago

QT: The Least We Can Do


News Headline: "Walmart promises to hire 100,000 veterans."
News Headline: "Bill would give homeless veterans unclaimed clothing from airports."
A lot of thought has gone into honoring our veterans.
Now they will have secondhand clothing to wear when they start their underpaid jobs with no benefits.

···

News Headline: "GM ushers in new era of American sports car."
News Headline: "Lane Kiffin ushers in new era of USC football."
News Headline: "French president's visit to Algeria ushers in new era of bilateral ties."
The trouble with eras is they always have trouble finding their seats.

···

News Headline: "House GOP eyes default, shutdown in debt ceiling battle."
News Headline: "Man arrested after refusing to pay $770 bill at Boston strip club."
The stories seemed to go together, for some reason.

···

News Item: ". . . take the debt ceiling off the table. . . ."
News Item: ". . . bring the debt ceiling to the floor. . . ."
News Item: ". . . debt ceiling windows that stay open only so long. . . ."
We might have predicted that a ceiling weakened with windows might collapse to the table and then to the floor.

···

Lest We Forget that the Dark Ages Were a Faith-Based Initiative:
Rep. Paul Broun (R-Georgia), who believes Earth is "about 9,000 years old" and that evolution and the Big Bang theory are "lies straight from the pit of Hell," has retained his seat on the House Science Committee.

···

News Headline: "Four-year-old child accidentally shoots, kills man."
News Headline: "Grandma hit by stray bullet in Brooklyn."
Can it be only three days until National Gun Appreciation Day?

···

S.D., a Racine, Wis., reader, writes;
"Why don't we have a Cordless Drill Appreciation Day? There are any number of inanimate objects we can appreciate. The gun manufacturers have opened a new world of quasi-worship."
We would be safer if everyone carried a cordless drill.
This is not just QT's opinion.
It comes straight from the National Cordless Drill Association.

···

Asteroid 2012 DA14 will pass closer to Earth than the orbits of some of our satellites on Feb. 15.
But if it hit us, it would, at worst, create a crater a only a mile or so wide and destroy everything for only seven miles in every direction.
So please enjoy your Valentine'sDay.

···

Modern Education + the Criminal Mind =
A thief going into the Art Institute of Philadelphia to steal laptops stopped at the entrance to sign the visitors log.

···

QT News Presented Without Comment:
A bald eagle's nest was removed with a chainsaw to make way for a wind turbine in Haldimand County, Ontario.

···

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ The chemical name for the protein tryptophan synthetase is methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylpheny 
lalanylalanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutal 
myglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolylphenylalanylvalylthre 
onylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglutam 
inylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylg 
lutamylalanylglycylalanylaspartylalanylleucylglutamylleucyl 
glycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylserylaspartylprolylleucylal 
anylaspartylglycylprolylthreonylisoleucylglutaminylaspara 
ginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylphenylalanylalanylala 
nylglycylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcysteinylpheny 
lalanylglutamylmethionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylarginylgl 
utaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucylglyc 
ylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylp 
henylalanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylph 
enylallanyltyrosylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylg 
lycylvalylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalylprolyl 
valylglutaminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphenylalanylarginylgl 
utaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylalany 
lprolylisoleucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspar 
tylalanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylit 
ylalsoleucylalanylseryityrosylglycylarginylglycyltyrosylthreony 
ltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanyglycylvalylthreonylglycylal 
anylglutamylasparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylas 
paraginylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosyl 
asparaginylalanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylpheny 
lalanylglysylisoleucylserylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllys 
ylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycylalanylalanylglycylala 
nylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisoleucyisol 
eucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylileucylglutamylproly 
lglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenyl 
alanylvalylglutaminylprolylmethionyllysylalanylalanylthreonylar 
ginylserine.
+ QT is a couple of items short today.

···

News Headline: "Man arrested after running naked in law firm."
There is probably an interesting story behind that.

···

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
Bill McCormick, a Chicago reader, regarding the widespread misuse of "factoid," which is a brief statement that looks like a fact but isn't true, writes:
"Is it legal to slap people who use 'factoid' incorrectly?"
Today's Factoid: It is legal in 37 states to slap people who use "factoid" incorrectly.
Possession isn't nine-tenths of the law, by the way, but nine points of the law.


Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
Visit QT at facebook.com/zaynsmithqt
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.



Permalink

Posted on January 16, 2013


MUSIC - Holiday Hullabaloo.
TV - WFLU-TV.
POLITICS - IRS Lax On Tax Cheats.
SPORTS - SportsMonday: Bears' Real Goat.

BOOKS - Frederick Douglass: Prophet Of Freedom.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Recall! Caito Salads & Bowls.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!


Ask Me Anything!