Chicago - Oct. 19, 2019
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

QT: Tender Moments


News Item: "Valentine's Day spending is projected to reach $18.6 billion this year, with men expected to spend more than women--an average of $175.61 versus $89. . . ."
So, OK, men, in that moment that comes after exchanging gifts, lean over and whisper gently in her ear:
"You owe me $86.61."
She'll laugh.
She really will.

···

News Headline: "Obama continues Bush practice of shredding the Constitution."
We find bipartisanship where we can.

···

News Headline: "Asteroid to make close pass at Earth next week."
Physicist Edward T. Lu regarding the countdown for Asteroid 2012 DA14, which will pass closer than the orbits of some artificial satellites in seven days:
"For every one we know about, there are about 100 more we don't know about. We have to find the other 99."
Pssst.
Asteroid 2013 CY32 was discovered yesterday--two days after it passed closer than the orbits of some artificial satellites.
Found one.

···

News Headline: "Bones under parking lot belong to Richard III."
Stephen J. Smith, a Minneapolis reader, writes:
"No one, apparently, had a hunch he'd be back."
It was an undignified end for Richard III, moldering under all those parked cars.
Especially the tudors.

···

News Headline: "Library gives free pole-dancing lessons to boost attendance."
Which reminds QT:
National Young Readers Week this year starts Nov. 11.
Which leaves you 276 days to find one.

···

Lest We Forget that the Dark Ages Were a Faith-Based Initiative:
There are now more than 300 private schools in the United States receiving public voucher funds and teaching Old Testament creationism in science classes.

···

News Headline: "Paul Ryan: 'I've 'decided not to decide' on presidential run."
Ryan's The Path to Prosperity: A Blueprint for American Renewal has slipped from 280,344th to 315,993rd on the Amazon best-seller list, for those keeping track.

···

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators:
A 7-year-old boy in Loveland, Colo., was suspended for violating his school's weapons policy when at recess he threw an imaginary grenade at an imaginary box that had something evil inside and made a grenade noise.

···

QT Economic Indicator and Sign of the Times of the Week:
Nearly 200 workers are being laid off by the Illinois Department of Employment Security.

···

News Headline: "Cell phone user allegedly choked by theatergoer in Sarasota's Performing Arts Center."
Yes. But is there a downside?

···

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:
+ Ayn Rand was pro-choice.
+ Al Gore is richer than Mitt Romney.

···

News Headline: "Outgoing Transportation Secretary LaHood: 'America is one big pothole.' "
There we go.
Always disparaging America.
Make that the greatest pothole in the world.

···

From Poor QT's Almanack:
Philosopher Martin Buber, who wrote, "Inscrutably involved, we live in the currents of universal reciprocity," was born 135 years ago on the eighth day of National Bake for Family Fun Month.

···

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
R.M., a Chicago reader, regarding QT's wondering what comes before suprapreantepenultimate, which comes before preantepenultimate, which comes before antepenultimate, which comes before penultimate, which comes before ultimate, writes:
"Hemidemisemiquaversuperantepenultimate."
And on that note. . . .


Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
Visit QT at facebook.com/zaynsmithqt
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.



Permalink

Posted on February 8, 2013


MUSIC - College Radio, Eh?
TV - John King's Dog Whistle.
POLITICS - CTU Strike Notebook.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio: Run, Mitch, Run.

BOOKS - What We Do To Whistleblowers.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Recall! Chicago's Favorite Gyros Slices.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!