Chicago - Oct. 11, 2019
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

QT: A Failing Grade


News Headline: "Harvard students withdraw after cheating in 'Intro to Congress' course."
As well they should.
These students failed to show the even most basic understanding of how Congress works.
The idea is never to be caught while cheating.

···

News Headline: "Alicia Keys' sultry Super Bowl anthem."
News Headline: "Was Alicia Keys' national anthem the longest in history?"
Yes.
But what can we expect with our sultry national anthem?

···

News Headline: "Asteroid to fly between Earth and the moon."
The story refers to Asteroid 2012 DA14, which will arrive in about nine days.
But it is a smallish asteroid.
No news headlines at all for Asteroid 2013 CY, which was discovered over the weekend.
That was five days after it passed between Earth and the moon.
But it was a smallish asteroid.

···

News Headline: "How do we protect our children from gun violence?"
News Headline: "Children at mercy of powerful NRA lobby."
Do you see what the National Rifle Association has to put up with?
There are more than 40 million children under the age of 9 in the United States.
And we can't seem to spare a few dozen now and then.

···

Robin Bond, a Chicago reader, regarding QT's mention of a news story about an assault with an avocado and the announcement that readers' games with the names of fruits had reached the end of the lime, writes:
"I hear the guy in the avocado assault had radish hair and a turnip nose. But I carrot not to continue this conversation."
Vegetables now, eh?
QT makes one promise.
It will continue to view reader submissions without fear or fava.

···

News Headline: "American gaze turns to Super Bowl extravaganza."
Or look at it this way:
The estimated amount of snacks eaten by Americans gazing at the Super Bowl weighed the equivalent of 27,720 Cadillac Escalades.
Or 14,174,000 spider monkeys, if you are still trying to visualize it.

···

QT Yellowstone Caldera (the eruptions of which can be violent enough to send a layer of ash six feet deep as far away as Chicago and which erupts every 600,000 or so years and last erupted 640,000 years ago) Update:
The U.S. Geological Survey reassured us this week that "current deformation patterns for Yellowstone are well within historical norms."
And the agency will thank you not to dwell on history going back to 638,000 B.C.

···

News Headline: "Eating cream, mayo, sausage helps Bellevue teen limit seizures."
Is there anything cream, mayo and sausage can't do?

···

QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:
An image of Jesus has been found on a piece of a beer crate in Bradenton, Fla.

···

From a TV commercial for a prescription drug to aid sleeping:
Walking, eating, driving or engaging in other activities while asleep without remembering it the next day have been reported. Abnormal behaviors may include aggressiveness, agitation, hallucinations or confusion. In depressed patients, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide, may occur. Alcohol may worsen these risks. Allergic reactions such as tongue or throat swelling occur rarely and may be fatal. . . .
One more warning to users:
Reading about the side effects may cause sleeplessness.

···

Today's Birthdays: Rubber Galoshes, 189; Demountable Automobile Tire Rims, 100; Dan Quayle, 66.

···

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language:
+ M.K., a Chicago reader, wants you to know that "frequent," when used as a verb, should have its accent on the second syllable.
+ M.W., a Park Ridge reader, wants you to know that the first syllable of "hummus" should rhyme with "room," not "rum."
Thirty-six percent of Illinoisans mispronounce "et cetera," by the way.
Compared with 46 percent of Floridians.


Write to QT at qt@beachwoodreporter.com
Visit QT at facebook.com/zaynsmithqt
QT appears Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.



Permalink

Posted on February 4, 2013


MUSIC - 25 Years Of Defiant Chicago Roots.
TV - The Real Climate Crisis Hypocrites.
POLITICS - How It's Playing In Russia.
SPORTS - Beachwood Sports Radio: Ross's Job To Lose.

BOOKS - What We Do To Whistleblowers.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Doomsday Chicago 2019.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!