Chicago - Dec. 5, 2021
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

On The Juice: Day 2

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I'm going on a two-week juice fast.

Day 2: Fire in the glory hole!
The idea behind any fast is to allow the body to expel any toxins that have built up in it. Usually, such toxins leave through one of two familiar exits. Perhaps the most jarring - and exhilarating - aspect of a liquid fast is that pretty much any opening in the body can and will become its own little toxic pumping station. Dissolved fats leak out of each pore, the lungs start tossing their cookies at the throat, and the sinuses flush themselves into the eyes, ears and nasal passages.

This is my polite way of telling you that my nose is running like Hicham El Guerrouj. I don't mean I'm congested. I don't mean I have a sniffle. I mean fluid has been leaking out of my nose off and on all day. I haven't really identified a consistent trigger for it; it just happens. It's like Chinese water torture, only instead of water dripping on your forehead it's dripping on whatever's right in front of you. And instead of water, it's snot. Crystal clear, low-viscosity snot. I really don't know how to feel about this latest development.

In other news, I've decided to combat the repetitive nature of my juice fast with variety. I hit the produce section of Whole Foods with the ferocity of a Mike Tyson forehand, coming home with a veritable cornucopia of fruits and veggies. And let me just say, you have not lived until you've dropped a fistful of grapes down the glory hole. It's like watching those lottery balls bounce around in their wind machine container, only instead of rolling weakly into a tube at the end, they explode. It's pretty spectacular. I also purchased a few prepared juice drinks to further supplement my diet.

Day 2 Hunger Level: Excruciating. Constant, nagging, grumbling hunger. I know I'm consuming plenty of calories. Someone just needs to tell my stomach.

Day 2 Energy Level: Remarkably high and much more consistent than Day 1. When I was lying in bed this morning, I couldn't imagine getting up. Now that I've been upright for 14 hours I can't imagine going back to sleep. I'm ordinarly not opposed to nodding off in front of the fire place. Now it's almost like I have to tell myself to shut my eyes and rest.

Day 2 Physical Condition: I'm going to assume you won't require any further information on my nose. I've also developed a bit of a cough - no doubt due to that lung cleansing I mentioned earlier. My muscles, particularly in my legs and back, are a little stiff and sore. I'm guessing this is because my usual level of physical activity is a little much for my adjusting system to handle at the moment.

Day 2 Mental State: Alert, but slightly agitated. Right now I'm really concerned about the empty stomach. I'm still having a difficult time suppressing the urge to chew on something. It's also starting to dawn on me how much I enjoy cooking. I'm not talking about microwaving or heating things on the stove; I really love preparing meals and sharing them with others. Juicing was exciting at first, but has quickly started to show its limitations. It's like when you go on vacation somewhere and cram all the fun activities into the first two days. After that, you're thinking, "great. Now I've got 12 more days to fill. Good thing I brought a book." Only, truth is, I'm not sure there's room for a book in this metaphor.

Day 2 Juices
#1: Lemon, Lime, Apple, Seltzer Water (more diluted version than Day 1)
#2: Cucumber, Parsley, Pear, Ginger, Grape
#3: Carrot, Celery, Kale, Blueberries
#4: Celery, Cucumber, Mango, Grape
#5: Purchased Odwalla Superfood Drink (half bottle)

Total amount: approx. 50 oz.

The series so far:
* On The Juice: Day 1. If you can't beet it, juice it.



Permalink

Posted on January 2, 2007


MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - Locked Out And Loaded.

BOOKS - Foxconned.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!