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On the Juice: Day 12

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I'm going on a two-week juice fast.

Day 12: New World Order
Sometimes in human history, a simple technology upgrade can so drastically alter our worldview that we can't picture our lives without it. It's not that we forget the past or don't look on it with a happy nostalgia; it's just that we would never - could never - go back to the way things were. Can you imagine how miserable we would be if we still had to use public phones to make phone calls once we left our homes? And suppose no one had ever thought to set up high-speed Internet connections. Why, you might still have to talk to people.

I have survived the past 11 days foodless with the help of a remarkable little machine, a mini-juicer borrowed from my friend Dave. It has served me well, and I will always treasure its memory. Today, however, my world has changed. Today, my new juicer arrived.

Gigantic, shiny, with enough horsepower to run at the Brickyard and a glory hole big enough to suck down a whole apple, my new juicer can fill a glass with liquid nutrition faster than you can figure out what went into it. It shoots juice out one end, plant offal out the other. It takes 30 seconds to clean and 30 seconds to reassemble. Can you imagine if you'd spent your whole life playing at Hurricane Harbor only to one day be dropped right in front of Niagara Falls? Your reaction would doubtless be similar to mine: Holy shit!

Now with every great leap forward comes a twinge of regret. A part of me wishes I'd acquired the awesome power of my new juicer earlier in the fast, to cut down on the many hours I've spent coaxing and cajoling Dave's wee machine into swallowing another handful of parsley. But on closer consideration, I think the new equipment arrived at exactly the right moment. It's given me a much-needed shot of adrenaline just when I was starting to doubt if I could drag my weary ass across the finish line. It's made the casual obliteration of plant matter fun again. Hell, when I sign off after Day 14, you might catch me tossing a salad in there just because I can.

So as I pause to honor the mighty little juicer that could, I give thanks for the hours of explosive emulsifying action yet to come.

Day 12 Hunger Level: I think my mind is playing tricks on me again. I've started to dream about food. Specifically, Swiss cheese and chocolate. Not at the same time, of course; it's not like I'm subconsciously pregnant. But I'm clearly subconsciously ready to eat, even if I wake up feeling confused about my continued lack of hunger.

Day 12 Energy Level: I'm once again finding a surfeit of energy. Times when I should be exhausted and ready for sleep instead are among the most alert and productive in my day. I don't feel entirely comfortable riding this wave of activity, though. Much like the Great Sugar Crash of Day 13, I've afraid it's not going to end well at all.

Day 12 Physical Condition: A little more achy today and I'm definitely picking up a bit of a sniffle. I don't think any of this is related to the fast, however. It's just cold and I've had a crazy schedule all week.

Day 12 Mental State: I'm still counting down, but I've turned a corner and now the amount of time remaining in the fast seems completely manageable. When you have the better part of 12 days behind you, another weekend seems over almost before it starts. I haven't started to plan dinner parties yet or anything, but I may have singled out the exact banana I'll enjoy as my first solid meal.

Day 12 Juices:
#1: Banana, Broccoli, Mango, Spinach
#2: Purchased Odwalla Mo' Beta Drink (full bottle)
#3: Purchased Odwalla Superfood Drink (full bottle)
#4: Broccoli, Celery, Carrot, Apple
#5: Apple, Cucumber, Mango

Total amount: approx. 58 oz.

* On The Juice: Day 1. If you can't beet it, juice it.
* On The Juice: Day 2. Fire in the glory hole!
* On The Juice: Day 3. Sipping point.
* On The Juice: Day 4. Brush with destiny.
* On The Juice: Day 5. Food for thought.
* On The Juice: Day 6. Dinner-free dinner party.
* On The Juice: Day 7. The longest chard.
* On The Juice: Day 8. The daily grind.
* On The Juice: Day 9. Driving force.
* On The Juice: Day 10. Sprout to get me.
* On The Juice: Day 11. Bottle rockets.


Posted on January 12, 2007

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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