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On The Juice: Day 1

Some people start the New Year off with a few poxy resolutions scribbled down somewhere only to be forgotten by February. Me? I'm going on a two-week juice fast. And at the request of concerned friends everywhere, I'm keeping a diary of my daily experiences living without solid food. Enjoy!

Day 1: If you can't beet it, juice it.
So the first thing you need if you're going on a juice fast is a juicer. You can go out and buy one or, if you're like me, you can text your friend Dave, whose former roommate's new girlfriend made the roommate abandon the brand new juicer his old girlfriend bought him at Dave's apartment, and ask to borrow his for a while. I'm fairly certain all juicers are more or less the same in their basic function. You shove raw fruits and vegetables into a little chute - I don't know the technical term for it, so I'm calling it "the glory hole" - press it down with a fitted plastic foot, and watch as the juice sprays out of a nozzle into a strategically placed cup. You're left with an oddly dry spackle inside the juicer that can easily be rinsed out.

The next thing you have to do is decide what you're going to juice. It's a bit daunting in that pretty much anything can be chopped up and crammed down the glory hole with little or no trouble. The one notable exception is the noble beet. Because the texture of raw beets is quite fibrous and tough, it took Dave's wee juice machine a few passes to get each chunk processed. Thing is, I will tell you right now that a little beet juice goes a long, long way.

Day 1 Hunger Level: Vacillating between excruciating and non-existent. Surprisingly, I'm finding that the hardest thing to deal with is not the hunger itself, but the physical urge to put something in my mouth and chew. The best thing right now is to stay active. The more I stop and think, the more I notice a little rumbling in my stomach or a touch of a headache.

Day 1 Energy Level: Also variable, but generally much higher than I expected. I think because the calories in the food are reaching my system in such a different way, my reaction is quite different. Each food is unique as well. Some things, like carrots or lemons, hit me almost immediately with a wave of energy that burns out quite quickly. Others, like kale, take a little while to kick in but last a little longer. Beets are fucking crazy; they're way high in sugar and the energy boost lasts forever. Plus they turn your urine funny colors and when you haven't eaten in a while that'll really fuck with your head. I included a whole beet in the mixture listed below, but I think about a quarter that much would be sufficient per serving.

Day 1 Physical Condition: Pretty damn good. I'm feeling a little shaky from time to time, my tongue feels like someone spread paste on it, and my lips are a bit dry. Plus my nose is a little extra runny, but that's about it.

Day 1 Mental State: Oh, dudes, I'm all over the fucking place. Like, there are moments of great focus and clarity surrounded by waves of what I can best describe as fuzziness. I'm not dizzy, I'm not sleepy, I'm just a little slow catching up to whatever's going on. Sometimes I feel like I have a touch of tunnel vision and like whatever I'm hearing was recorded on a player piano, whatever that means. Seriously, yo, I gotta go lie down.

Day 1 Juices:
#1: Carrot, Apple, Ginger, Beet
#2: Celery, Kale, Apple, Ginger
#3: Apple, Carrot
#4: Lemon, Lime, Apple, Seltzer Water

Total amount: approx. 48 oz.


Posted on January 1, 2007

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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