The Sporting Life

"You can't just let nature run wild."

This quote by former Alaska Gov. Walter J. Hickel popped into my head last week when I spotted a raccoon trotting along the rooftops in Wicker Park. Hickel made the comment to reporters in 1993 after the state launched a controversial program allowing hunters to shoot wolves from helicopters. He argued that the big bad wolves were procreating too quickly and killing moose and caribou faster than the human predators could. And shooting at stuff from a few hundred feet in the air just sounded like a mess of fun.

That was Alaska. But how could a wild animal run free with impunity here in Chicago, a metropolitan area of more than 9 million people? At first I felt sorry for the racooon, fighting for survival in a sea of humanity. An Internet search revealed that it was no anomaly--Chicago is filthy with the little buggers. The Illinois Department of Natural Resources reported in 2004 that there are more raccoons in Chicago metro area than any other area of the state. But how? The DNR says the raccoon population in Illinois more than doubled between the 1980s and 1990s. As green spaces in Chicagoland have disappeared, hunters and trappers can no longer hunt them because too many Starbucks coffee shops and Dollar Stores stand in the way.

"Today, many cities run together," says DNR wildlife diversity manager Bob Bluett. "Those in-between wild spaces are [now] strip malls and fast food restaurants. [And] it is difficult to hunt and trap raccoons in ways that reduce urban populations."

Animal control officials captured more than 60,000 nuisance animals in Chicago in 2003 alone, with raccoons ranking as the No. 1 offender. But they aren't the only hungry varmints roaming the concrete jungle that is Chicago. A story in the Sun-Times last month reported that an estimated 2,000 coyotes are roaming the City of Big Shoulders. How could this be? Aren't they pretty much just wolves with an eating disorder? The Sun-Times report said the city captures and kills more than 350 coyotes a year. "A pack of coyotes attacked a toy poodle named Molly on Feb. 11 in Oak Brook, leaving the dog with a broken rib and bite wounds," the article explained. Attacking an innocent toy poodle? What kind of twisted coyote packs are we dealing with here?

Hickel and the current governor of Alaska, Frank Murkowski, might suggest shooting the coyotes and raccoons from the air, but Chicago doesn't need helicopters for that. There are certainly enough tall buildings and people with guns to solve the problem. The Sun-Times reported that Cook County has collared 60 coyotes and 60 raccoons to track their movements for the low price of a quarter of a million dollars. Maybe the county could hire urban mercenaries instead. Or better yet, it could establish a community service program for gang members convicted of drive-by shootings. They enjoy shooting just as much as the burly men of Alaska, so why not put them to work and bring an end to wildlife's encroachment on civilization?

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