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I Am A Security Guard: Begging, Addiction And Tax EvasionAs I stood at the security post on a recent Friday night, a man waited in line to pay for his goods. He wore a T-shirt that said. "I Got Out of Bed for This?" The shirt provided the theme for my shift. Thanks to a bout of insomnia, I got out of bed and arrived at the store 40 minutes early. The guard on duty smiled. "I'm really glad to see you," he said. "Can you stand here for five minutes? I have to run to the store and buy some bread." I gladly agreed to perform the favor. Since replacing a guard who had dropped the F bomb on a cashier, he had been a team player. He arrived on time, helped tackle a perp, and gave me tips about would-be thieves and company policies. So I stood at the post. Five minutes had passed. Nothing wrong with that. Then 10. Nothing wrong with that either. At the 20-minute mark, I started to fume. Why should I get fisted for doing someone a kind deed? At that point, I saw the T-shirt. Finally, the guard returned. He had taken 25 minutes from me. He offered to buy me a soft drink. I politely declined, doing my best to bite my tongue. We chatted a bit. I tactfully said my shift would start in a few minutes. I dropped my bag in the break room and walked to the post. He left. The incident darkened my mood for most of the night. A gut feeling told me the guy had lied. I nearly reached my breaking point. After taking a deep breath, I told him to prove it. He said he'd bring her to me. We walked inside the store. He disappeared among the aisles. I watched him and considered getting him banned him from the store permanently. He's a tall, emaciated regular who often creates a scene and begs customers for spare change. On this night, he had found a new angle on an old scam. He said, "It's his wife." Given that the other guard had used up my humor, I abandoned my usual tact. "Nice try," I snapped. "Stay out of the parking lot." During the transaction, a guilty feeling washed over me. The store needs customers, who keep me employed in a rather lousy economy. But I got a college education in order to provide something useful to the world. Now, I was no better than an enabler. I didn't get out of bed for that. - A very pseudononymous Jerome Haller earns rent money as a security guard for a large, publicly-held retail chain. - See more tales of security guards, pizzeria waitressing, barista'ing and office drudgery in the Life at Work collection.
Posted on August 4, 2009 |
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