Chicago - Jan. 3, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
Ultra Local Geography
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Home for the Holidays: The Sequel

It is Thanksgiving Day and I am, once again, Home for the Holidays. Except now I live here. Yikes and double yikes. But that's another story to be told at another time.

Thanksgiving was always a big deal at my house, with my multitude of siblings and their spouses trampling over each other to get everything done. This year, my biological siblings, their spouses, and children are all gathered together at my sister's. They got there yesterday and will be going home in time for my 12-year-old niece to make a sleepover she wants to go to. Would this have happened when I was 12? Ha. Hahahahahahaha. But again, another story.

My estranged adopted brother is not here either. Last I knew he was in St. Paul, lucky bastard. Not that I love St. Paul. But it's not HERE.

I am thankful for the fact that I was permitted to sleep in til 10:30 this morning. Not so much for the dream I was having where DCFS - which I work with in my job - called to see if I could foster six Japanese siblings about the ages of the young Brady Bunch and I actually said yes. I was actually pretty alarmed by that, to tell you the truth. I can be impulsive, and I can actually see myself agreeing to such a thing.

My company only gives Thanksgiving Day off, so I worked yesterday and will work tomorrow. I wish I could say I'll be resting up today, but I'm afraid the chores have already begun.I am annoyed with my adopted brother for becoming estranged from my family. Without him here, I had to polish the silver all by myself. Yep, that's right, we use real, honest-to-goodness silver serving dishes and trays. And gold rimmed plates and glasses that have to be hand-washed at the end of everything.

For some reason this year, we are having no traditional favorites for Thanksgiving dinner. This may, in part, be due to the fact that I off-handedly asked if we were having "disgusting stuffing" again this year. That sent my mom through the roof. The result is that we're having sausage and apple stuffing, though, so the yelling-at I got was probably worth it.

Also, no broccoli casserole here. Nope, we're having green beans and mushrooms. Can't really explain why, cos I don't know. No sweet potatoes either. Instead, my mother is attempting sweet potato souffle, something she's never made and which will assuredly collapse despite her culinary talents. I mean, something has to go wrong with dinner, right?

Then there are the dinner guests. Cousins of my father, whom I have never met, but who are apparently outspoken Atheists and outrageous Liberals and who never shut up. I've been warned of this because I decided to even things up by inviting a guest of my own, a friend from around town. Unfortunately for us all, he also never shuts up, is devoutly Christian (referring to those above as "Big J" and "Big G"), and is an uneducated right-winger (in that he listens to Rush Limbaugh and believes him. Yikes.)

There may be some Thanksgiving violence.

The festivities start at 3, and it'll be nearly 7 before I've gotten all the dishes done (once again, curses to my estranged brother). Hopefully, the carnage won't be too bad and I won't have to call an ambulance. Getting blood out of the lace tablecloth isn't going to be a picnic.

All kidding aside, I am thankful for various and sundry things that I'm not going to bore you with by listing.

It's probably a good thing that I'm back to work tomorrow. A four-day weekend in this environment could turn into a real disaster.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Claudia Hunter is the Beachwood's pseudononymous holiday affairs correspondent. She filed these reports from her parent's home in the Northeast.


* Home for the Holidays: The Preamble
* Home for the Holidays: Day 1
* Home for the Holidays: Day 2
* Home for the Holidays: Day 3
* Home for the Holidays: Day 4 (Christmas Eve)
* Home for the Holidays: Day 5 (Christmas)
* Home for the Holidays: Day 6
* Home for the Holidays: Day 7
* Home for the Holidays: Postscript


Posted on November 27, 2008

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - COVID Bowl Toteboard.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!