Have A Dysfunctional Family Christmas

One the first day of our Beachwood Christmas, Tom Latourette gave to me . . . the dysfunctional family we've all come to know and love.

And thus we kick off The 12 Days of Beachwood Christmas. Let's all drink heavily to achieve a joyous season. Here's hoping each and every one of you has a dysfunctional family Christmas.

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Well, it's that time of year again. Christmas. Ahh, a time for you to spread yuletide cheer, gathering with those you love. Those who are near and dear to you.

Have a Dysfunctional Family Christmas, it's a screwed up time of year
Don't you know bout Uncle Joe, He just told us he was queer

Have a Dysfunctional Family Christmas, your mother-in-law's a bitch
But you let it pass and kiss her ass, cause your father-in-law is rich

Oh no, your cousin's blouse cut low, her breasts are what you see
They're so full of silicone, Billy paid for Double-Ds

Have a Dysfunctional Family Christmas, and you'll drink a case of beer
You'll need some medication with possible sedation at Christmas this year

If I have to spend one more minute with your crazy family . . .
If you need me, I'll be taking a dump . . . for the next 3 hours

Have a Dysfunctional Family Christmas, my sister wants to borrow cash
Her husband lost his job, their kids are slobs, no better than white trash

Oh no, where did Grandpa go? He walked out in the street
Someone call the nursing home but wipe his feces off the seat

Have a Dysfunctional Family Christmas, you'll need therapy through the year
Look up your family tree you'll find insanity at Christmas this year.

Dr. Phil ain't gonna help this bunch, let me tell you
Thank God Dear Abby's dead or this group woulda killed her

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Tom Latourette will be counting down The 12 Days of Beachwood Christmas with a new song every day from now until the dreaded day. Have a good one.