Chicago - Mar. 19, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
Ultra Local Geography
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Farmers Insurance Keeps Trying To Recruit Me

Dear Steve,

I am a District Manager for Farmers Insurance Group looking for a successful, business-minded individual with a strong desire for personal growth, career fulfillment, and financial success.

That is not me.

Based on my initial review of the resume you posted online, I believe you may be an excellent fit for our career opportunity in sales with Farmers Insurance and Financial Services. We are currently developing new agencies in the greater Chicago area.

I must need to rewrite my resume.

Whether starting a career or searching for a new opportunity, Farmers will help you capitalize on your strengths in a highly supportive and consultative environment. Allow me to share with you some history of this exceptional team and answer some of the questions you may have:

Each of our 55 team members owns his or her own business and is very successful. Our top team member earns more than $600,000 and the average income is more than $150,000. You control your own destiny with Farmers Insurance. Your earning potential is unlimited.

Go on.

Training and Growth: When working with Farmers you receive extensive sales training, product training, and support from your district office throughout your career. Our proven systems will teach you an integrated approach designed to provide real value to your prospects and clients. This will help you create more business and exceed the expectations of your clients.

Doesn't revenue depend on the hardship of others - or placing the fear of hardship into their hearts? Whatever it is, it's not nice!

Getting Started: Our flexible training program allows you to begin your career on a part-time or full-time basis. Through the first three years, Farmers provides an excellent subsidy program with a base guarantee of $91,800 for hitting the minimum requirements. This program is in addition to your commissions.

Go on.

Growth Opportunities: There has never been a better time to be with Farmers. Our expanding markets and innovative products create the opportunity for dynamic and rapid growth.

Because the world is going to hell in a handbasket?

Commitment to Diversity: Different ethnic populations have distinct needs and face varying issues when they seek insurance and financial service products. At Farmers, we understand that focus on diverse markets makes excellent business sense. We offer exciting monetary incentives to agent candidates who are bilingual in one of our target emerging markets.

I'm willing to learn.

Qualifications: We require highly motivated individuals willing to invest their time and energy into creating a profitable and rewarding business. You must have a desire to succeed, have an independent spirit and strong work ethic. Candidates must also have a clean credit and criminal history.

Yeah, that's not me.

If you are interested in being in business for yourself but not by yourself, while providing Insurance and Financial Service products, apply today by e-mailing me at Please be sure to attach the most current copy of your resume.

I thought you just looked at my resume.


Joseph Strauss

District Manager
Farmers Insurance Group


Comments welcome.


Posted on September 8, 2015

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!