Chicago - Nov. 20, 2021
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Exclusive! The Tribune's Exit Strategy

"Tribune Co. has submitted a revised reorganization plan in the latest attempt to end its nearly two-year stint in bankruptcy protection," AP reports.

-

The intrepid Beachwood Bankrupt Culture Desk has obtained that plan. Here are the highlights.

* Tribune Tower to be converted into a cozy little bed and breakfast.

* Lap dances no longer qualify as legitimate lunch expenses.

* Statue of Peter Francis Geraci to replace statue of Nathan Hale at entrance to Tribune Tower.

* Entire inventory of Sam Zell bobbleheads to be "liquidated forthwith" at the Swap-O-Rama in Alsip.

* All unexpired points on Hooter's frequent visitor cards to be delivered to secured creditors no later than one week prior to Mardi Gras.

* Strippers will not be considered secured creditors.

* Sole control of Tribune At Night interactive division will go to senior lender Larry Flynt.

* Executive collection of smoking jackets will be returned to the Bob Guccione estate.

* Supply of cafeteria glasses featuring images of women whose clothes come off as cold beverages are poured in will be returned to Acme Novelties.

* Halloween Party requiring employees to attend as their favorite porn star to be canceled.

* Peepholes into women's bathrooms to be caulked up.

* Plans for dating site called Datelines to be canceled.

* Employee subscriptions to MILF Weekly to be canceled.

* Company to be broken up and sold off in pieces; Bud Fox named new president of Blue Star Airlines.

* Sam Zell will not be allowed to use credit cards for seven years.

* Trojan named a secured creditor. Altoid's not.

* New company to be owned by JP Morgan Chase, which will charge a fee for every story "withdrawn" from its website.

* Randy Michaels required to reimburse every employee charged texting fees for his sexts.

* Tribune to withdraw endorsement of Cynthia Plaster Caster for mayor.

-

- Scott Buckner, Steve Rhodes

-

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on October 25, 2010


MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - Climate Deniers' 4 Top Scare Tactics.
SPORTS - The McEnroes In Antarctica.

BOOKS - Foxconned.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!