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Exclusive! The Tribune's Exit Strategy

"Tribune Co. has submitted a revised reorganization plan in the latest attempt to end its nearly two-year stint in bankruptcy protection," AP reports.


The intrepid Beachwood Bankrupt Culture Desk has obtained that plan. Here are the highlights.

* Tribune Tower to be converted into a cozy little bed and breakfast.

* Lap dances no longer qualify as legitimate lunch expenses.

* Statue of Peter Francis Geraci to replace statue of Nathan Hale at entrance to Tribune Tower.

* Entire inventory of Sam Zell bobbleheads to be "liquidated forthwith" at the Swap-O-Rama in Alsip.

* All unexpired points on Hooter's frequent visitor cards to be delivered to secured creditors no later than one week prior to Mardi Gras.

* Strippers will not be considered secured creditors.

* Sole control of Tribune At Night interactive division will go to senior lender Larry Flynt.

* Executive collection of smoking jackets will be returned to the Bob Guccione estate.

* Supply of cafeteria glasses featuring images of women whose clothes come off as cold beverages are poured in will be returned to Acme Novelties.

* Halloween Party requiring employees to attend as their favorite porn star to be canceled.

* Peepholes into women's bathrooms to be caulked up.

* Plans for dating site called Datelines to be canceled.

* Employee subscriptions to MILF Weekly to be canceled.

* Company to be broken up and sold off in pieces; Bud Fox named new president of Blue Star Airlines.

* Sam Zell will not be allowed to use credit cards for seven years.

* Trojan named a secured creditor. Altoid's not.

* New company to be owned by JP Morgan Chase, which will charge a fee for every story "withdrawn" from its website.

* Randy Michaels required to reimburse every employee charged texting fees for his sexts.

* Tribune to withdraw endorsement of Cynthia Plaster Caster for mayor.


- Scott Buckner, Steve Rhodes


Comments welcome.


Posted on October 25, 2010

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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