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Exclusive! The Real Reasons Walgreens Didn't Invert

Walgreens announced Wednesday that it would keep its headquarters in Deerfield, rather than renouncing its American corporate citizenship in a tax inversion that would have placed its legal domicile overseas.

While company officials say they feared consumer backlash - and an IRS review - to an inversion, the Beachwood Tax Loophole Affairs Desk has learned the real reasons behind the decisions from sources at our local pharmacy

* All the plants would die.

* "Great Britain's Pharmacy" did poorly in focus groups.

* Executive compensation not worth as much in the metric system.

* Cayman Islands booked.

* Fourth of July seasonal aisle would become too ironic.

* Overseas, corporations aren't people.

* Wanna be here when Theo's Plan comes to fruition.

* State of Illinois incentive package sweetened with a corruptible public official to be named later.

* Something about Medicare Advantage B and Prescription Plan D.

* Executives become teary-eyed while performing inventory of American flag forever stamps.

* Didn't want to lose the Beachwood account.


Comments welcome.


Posted on August 7, 2014

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