Chicago - Dec. 15, 2017
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
 
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Chicagoetry
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Chicagology
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
FAIL
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
QuackWatch
Alcademics
Lamebook
Ultra Local Geography
Uncyclopedia
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells

Exclusive! Inside Chi-Town Rising

"Chi-Town Rising, a new New Year's Eve event intended to boost winter tourism in the city, will be a smaller celebration than planned and the main attraction is no longer free to the public," the Tribune reports.

And that's not all. The Beachwood has learned of a raft of other changes to the event, including:

* At 10 seconds to midnight, the countdown will begin as Garry McCarthy is lowered into Lake Michigan.

* Free Rahm sweaters for the first 1,000 attendees.

* City council to pass honorary New Year's resolutions promising even more after-the-fact grandstanding in lieu of before-the-fact oversight.

* Rahm Emanuel dunk tank. At $1 a throw, CPS deficit expected to be closed by 1 a.m.

* Festival partner Uber to offer even surgier pricing.

* The U.S. Department of Justice will investigate claims that Redflex shortened by three seconds the amount of time between 11:59 p.m. and midnight.

* Michael Corleone and Rahm Emanuel will be seen fleeing Havana amidst a hail of bullets on New Year's Eve, but security footage of their departure will be destroyed.

* Forrest Claypool will move the Chi-Town Rising headquarters south to Flossmoor after trimming 650 jobs from the 7-person organization.

* Screech gets weekend pass to co-host with A.C. Slater.

* More like Chi-Town UP-rising, amirite?

* To honor Chicago's past, the whole city will be raised three feet at midnight.

* Partnering hotels will offer complimentary mint medical marijuana under the pillows.

* At midnight, guest musical act Chicago plays their hit "Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?"

* Official broadcast partner NBC 5 to broadcast 24-hour Saved by the Bell marathon.

* Refreshments to include cups of Rahm Emanuel's tears.

* Jim Belushi.

* Join in the fun at the Corona Beach House bonfire as officials lead the burning all City Hall documents requested through the Freedom of Information Act.

* Rahm to appear from Cuba via Skype in Michael Bilandic's old Hawaiian shirt.

* Don't wanna go downtown? Attend a Chi-Town Rising neighborhood watch party at your local school. Bring rubber gloves.

* At midnight, media partner Sun-Times will increase the amount of time it takes to access a story on its website from 20:15 to 20:16.

Contributing: Matt Farmer, Tim Willette, Natasha Julius, Steve Rhodes

-

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on December 21, 2015


MUSIC - The Week In Chicago Rock.
TV - Cricket vs. Brexit.
POLITICS - Trailer: Swing District.
SPORTS - Ryan Pace's Narratives Are Killing Us.

BOOKS - Chicago For Dummies.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - The Sears Motor Buggy.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter
Email:

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter



Beachwood Radio!


Ask Me Anything!



Wool and Hoop