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Chicagoans' Worst NightmaresCrain's recently published a pretty privileged list of Chicagoans' Worst Nightmares followed by a Chicagoist solicitation of its readers that we also found a bit wanting. So The Beachwood Nightmares Affairs Desk sprung into action. The problem, though, is that most of our nightmares have already come true. * Rahm Emanuel gets elected mayor. * Rahm Emanuel gets re-elected mayor. * Wrigley Field gets a Jumbotron. * City runs out of Old Style. * Mike Ditka continues to be a thing. * Billy Corgan re-forms Smashing Pumpkins. * Billy Corgan plays six hours over a book reading at a suburban tea house. * Anyone's kids come into contact with the (unvaccinated) kids of Cutler and Cavallari. * Michael Sneed keeps her job. * The city decides to sell precious lakefront land to a pal of the mayor for a dollar to build a Star Wars museum. * Dead people really are voting - and boy are they pissed. * L.A. becomes cooler than Chicago. Which has happened. * The city opens its books to the public - and it's an even bigger shitshow than they're saying. * Jonathan Brandmeier, Mancow Muller and Steve Dahl return to radio. * No turkey legs at Taste of Chicago. * Being forced to go to Taste of Chicago. Even this list is a bit unsatisfying, though. Wouldn't a list of real nightmares be more like this: * Leftover nuclear material under University of Chicago explodes. * Sears Tower falls over. * Redmoon Theater production re-starts Great Fire. * Asian carp mates with Canadian carp to form Super Carp. * Beachwood Inn finally dies. Which it has. - Marty Gangler, J.J. Tindall, Steve Rhodes Posted on June 15, 2015 |
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