Celebrating Olympic Day

By The Beachwood Hokey Celebrations Affairs Desk

Today is "Olympic Day," and Chicago 2016 officials have a fun-filled day in store for you. So do we.

* Buy something you can't afford on your credit card

* Tell your spouse not to worry about your checking account because you're going to buy an insurance policy as a buffer.

* Put some skin in the game. Tell Vito on Grand Avenue that the Beachwood sent you.

* Use today as a teaching lesson for your kids about how and why adults lie.

* Petition the Sun-Times for a new poll: Which has hotter fans, badminton or pole-vaulting?

* Use your more recent property tax bill to help ignite an Olympic flame.

* Go to your alderman's office, bend over, say thank you, and ask for another.

* Spray paint a parking meter with the Olympic colors.

* Refer all questions to your spokesman.

* Take out a huge mortgage on someone else's house.

* Displace a poor person, just for practice.

* Invite some strangers over to trash your house.

* Create a TIF fund out of your kids' allowance.

* Act like true Chicagoans: Just let Daley decide for you.

- Marty Gangler, Ivana Susic, Steve Yaccino, Rick Kaempfer, Tim Willette, Andrew Reilly, Steve Rhodes

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Your contributions welcome.

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Reader Submissions:

1. From Beachwood reader Mark:

Be a part of the excitement - bulldoze a few giant Xs into your own alley.

2. From Mike Knezovich:

Build a temporary scale-model Olympic stadium out of Legos.

3. From Beachwood reader Chris:

Ride the CTA at rush hour. Earn a 3-minute penalty every time the train waits for signals up ahead.

4. From Beachwood reader Jim:

Pay three times the amount shown on the initial price tag for everything you buy.

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