Cab #5383

Date: 4/13/09
From: Downtown
To: Wicker Park

The Cab: The eerie thing about this cab was how just so right it was. For example, it was the perfect temperature. Not too hot, not too cold. It was like Shangri-La. And somehow the cab locked out outside noises, like it was hermetically sealed. Except for the sound of the intermittent wiper - which was perfect. Just the right calm intermittent sound of a perfect wiper doing its job. That's how the ride started, at least. It's not how it ended.

The Driver: At first, perfect. He suggested a better route home than the one I suggested upon his asking. He projected a soothing and competent air. His right hand was at 1 o'clock on the steering wheel. At least that's how the ride started. It did not end that way.

The Driving: At first, perfect. No herky-jerky. Perfect application of brake and gas to minimize turbulence. Even on a slick road, Driver $5383 managed to make the ride glide. That is, until the spell was broken. And like a spoiled no-hitter, once the spell was broken, the floodgates opened up.

First, the perfect ride was interrupted by Cab #3709 and Bus #1310 trying to cope with a double-parked Honda CRV. Driver #5383 got caught in the fallout and was shaken out of perfection by the need not to crash. The mojo was gone.

I looked out my window and saw a "Let Friendship Shine" Olympic sticker that didn't seem to be there before. It was as if we had now been marked by the gods as all too real.

Suddenly a squeak arose out of the bottom of the driver's seat. Driver #5383 started to speed up for lights he didn't make. I started to sweat as the cab increased in temperature; my window began fogging up. We had to slow to a crawl because a motorcycle was getting loaded onto a tow truck. I heard a honk from behind us. Driver #5383 became agitated. And then he tried to overcompensate by stopping for jaywalking pedestrians nowhere near our lane. If there was a driver in the bullpen, it would have been time to summon him. My guy never recovered. Perhaps he's still green.

Overall rating: 2.5 extended arms

- Steve Rhodes

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There are more than 6,000 cabs in the city of Chicago. We intend to review every one of them.