Cab #4356

Date Taken: 2/6/07
From: Loop
To: Wicker Park

The Cab: The newspapers on the floor, to absorb wet footwear I presume, were folksy yet unappealing. They appeared to be Tribune pages. More coverage, I suppose. The driver also kept an ample supply of straws, Q-Tips, and dental floss within reach.

The Driver: Silent at first, almost disturbingly so, but then it flowed, baby. "You don't know if sumpthin's gonna happen when you get to North Avenue," he said upon suggesting an alternate route to my home. "It could be jammed up like a motherfucker." He kindly rejected another alternate route I suggested. "When you've been driving 31 years, you know what's what." Turned out he had an insider's knowledge of the salting patterns of city trucks and how it affected traffic. "Drop that salt!" he belly-laughed.

And then the monologue began.

"The new guys are coming up now. I think it's great. I did my thing in the 60s and 70s. I had my fun . . . In my day, these were all factories. Work. Work everywhere. Paid a little sumpthin too. Shit was within reach! Want a Cadillac? It was within reach! A house was within reach!"

Then, startingly, "Ho's! Ho's! Pussy! Hookers, all up and down Madison! Clean! No AIDS!"

Yes, those were simpler times, I said.

"Every block of this street was a factory. All this was factories . . . best Polish in the city was at Chicago and Ashland."

Then he advised me that if I cut my hair and shave, I could get by with a Bobby Darin look.

Finally, arriving at my destination, he recalled when you could buy drugs in Wicker Park - not that he ever did. Latin Kings territory, he recalled. "I've been through it! I've been through it, brother, heh-heh! Been drivin' 31 years."

The Driving: I almost lost track, but cautious and steady in winter conditions.

Overall rating: 4 extended arms. The alternate route saved time and traffic but cost a couple extra bucks. Still, he was right and genuine. But at some point it seemed like stock cabbie story stuff. Doesn't make it untrue, just less interesting. Plus, the whole Bobby Darin thing.

- Steve Rhodes

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