Cab #1336

Date Taken: 7/11/08
From: Wicker Park
To: Roscoe Village

The Cab: 100% cell phone- and burglar shield-free. Seating is upholstered in plush as opposed to the usual faux-vinyl. Rear-view mirror is adorned with a small stuffed tiger, adding a somewhat quizzical sense of whimsy to an otherwise straightforward conveyance. Radio seems to be locked in retro mode, with such slightly-mildewed hits such as Madonna's "Like a Prayer (extended dance remix)," Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" and Ace of Base's "All That She Wants" on offer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all fun and games until one of those fuckers gets wedged in your head.

The Driver: You'll find yourself leaving Cab #1336 with more questions than answers. Once again, there is the strong suggestion of a fun and engaging personality. This is mostly due to the jaunty Panama hat, striped rugby shirt and classically over-the-top horn-rimmed glasses. However, Driver #1336 keeps himself to himself, with hands firmly locked at 11:00 and 1:00. He's shut off from the world, concentrating solely on the road in front of him. In fact, he's kinda leaning into it a bit . . . Gee, maybe those Coke-bottle specs aren't just for show.

The Driving: Classic adherent to the Dropped Object school of driving. Science teaches us that an item dropped from the top of a tall building will continue to accelerate on its way down until, inevitably, something abruptly stops it. Similarly, when presented with an open stretch of road, Dropped Object drivers rapidly build speed until . . . well, you can guess the rest. The refinement of this art, however, does cause Driver #1336 to peer sideways at other drivers periodically, perhaps wondering what sinister pedal-shaped force might be tempering their speed. Something of a high priest in the Dropped Object church, he's able to thread the needle on left turns with spine-tingling accuracy. If you're going to be dropped off the top of a tall building, you may as well be flung by the master.

Overall rating: 3 extended arms

-Natasha Julius

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There are more than 6,000 cabs in the city of Chicago. We intend to review every one of them.