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Best Spam Ever

We recently cleaned out some e-mail folders here at Beachwood HQ and came across a collection of our favorite spam. Warning: NSFW/W (Not Safe For Work/Wimps).

1. SUBJECT: Old Witchcraft Secrets - make your wildest dreams come true.

"Old Witchcraft Secrets" will show you in detail,how you can cast powerful spells, to make your wildest dreams come true.

It's NOT your fault that your spells and rituals aren't turning out like you want . . . YET.

The truth is... you've been misled by self-proclaimed powerful wizards and witches... and the truth is that 99% of these 'professionals' are DEAD WRONG!

In fact, a lot of what they say will actually diminish your powers.

They don't want you to know the right way to cast spells because if you did, you'd never need them again and they would lose their power!

You cannot invent 'new' spells like you cannot invent a new tree. Everything is old. But not everything is known in the right way.

Get 3 Spells just for visiting our site [EDITOR'S NOTE: URL now disabled.]

As you know, many witches and wizards are FURIOUS about this. Why?

Because it reveals the true forgotten secrets of witchcraft. Secrets more powerful than what they can do through their very expensive services . . .

Soon, everybody will be able to do this at home,more effectively, cheaper and faster . . .

You've seen some ridiculous prices on the internet for getting a spell done. It's obvious they are getting rich off of normal people and their problems . . .

Once you know their secrets, you won't need to give them your money!

I've personally tested this information, and some of the old forgotten stuff is mind blowing: it's accurate, effective and quite easy to do.

Platinum Success, Inc
Zieglergasse 38/8, A-1070, Austria

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2. SUBJECT: Beware of fake pills.

penis.jpg

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3. SUBJECT: Fox Urgent News.

bryan %TRYIT astute %TRYIT confident %TRYIT conjuncture %TRYIT thorpe %TRYIT waffle %TRYIT molecule %TRYIT emma %TRYIT lock %TRYIT bullfrog %TRYIT holocaust %TRYIT punitive %TRYIT each %TRYIT forth %TRYIT heathen %TRYIT buckboard %TRYIT swear %TRYIT admire %TRYIT nonsensical %TRYIT cyclone %TRYIT shabby %TRYIT cable %TRYIT now %TRYIT crockett %TRYIT cosmopolitan %TRYIT crises %TRYIT

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4. SUBJECT: Why wait?

swingers in need to get bangged
waiting will get you nowhere
http://www.shesupforitall.com

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5. SUBJECT: *****SPAM*****

[From Natasha J:]

I'm sorry, but I just got a message from the best e-mail spam name ever.

"Runnymede B Urethras"

spectacular.

-

6. SUBJECT: Re: It lets a woman ride you like you've never been ridden before!

gravitizer.gif

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7. SUBJECT: confederacy commensurate ballet

[From Tim W:] So there's a frog out there in the lending business? Why hasn't this been in the news?

Begin forwarded message:

The LendingFrog difference:

:) Rates as low set as 4.84%
:) 1 uninvolved form
:) Lenders compete for your manor refinance
:) Compare offers pain1ess online
:) Get the highest capita1 on your place
:) Live customer support via Chat, Phone or email
:) LendingFrog awards support to you every step of the way.

-

8. SUBJECT: TEST HER G-SPOT

Can you touch her G-Spot? If your Manhood is bigger and long enough you can. If not forget it, or consider enlarging yours.

Consider the difference between a 7, 8, or 9 inch manhood that is thicker and the one that is 4 to 6 inches and narrower. With a larger manhood endowment you can penetrate easily those more sensitive areas your woman would like you to touch her, even better if you can touch her G-Spot. Your longer manhood probes deeper searching those special nerve endings. The added width to your manhood fills and presses her from side to side to give her the most exhilarating sensations she always wanted.

Our herbal solution will help you make your manhood bigger and longer within weeks.
hit on the web address below or Copy and paste it to your browser.

http://maxx11.fastherb.biz/order.html read more and make your decision whether to use our formula or not yourself.

If you are a woman don't be shy to visit our web site and order our formula for the man in your life. Discuss the product with him and let him know you will support him through the process. You have more to gain in the final analysis when he start hitting your G-Spot like you always wanted.

gspot.gif

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9. SUBJECT: TEST HER G-SPOT

Can you touch her G-Spot? If your Manhood is bigger and long enough you can. If not forget it, or consider enlarging yours.

Consider the difference between a 7, 8, or 9 inch manhood that is thicker and the one that is 4 to 6 inches and narrower. With a larger manhood endowment you can penetrate easily those more sensitive areas your woman would like you to touch her, even better if you can touch her G-Spot. Your longer manhood probes deeper searching those special nerve endings. The added width to your manhood fills and presses her from side to side to give her the most exhilarating sensations she always wanted.

Our herbal solution will help you make your manhood bigger and longer within weeks.
hit on the web address below or Copy and paste it to your browser.

http://maxx11.fastherb.biz/order.html read more and make your decision whether to use our formula or not yourself.

If you are a woman don't be shy to visit our web site and order our formula for the man in your life. Discuss the product with him and let him know you will support him through the process. You have more to gain in the final analysis when he start hitting your G-Spot like you always wanted.

bart2.gif

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10. SUBJECT: Duckwebs adradially degrees

Duckwebs, Get A Genuine Coll`ege Degre.e in less then 2 weeks Cal_l us now_!-> 1+206-984-0555

Right now the following deg.rees are being offered:

B/A, .B/S/C, .M/A, .M/S/C, .M/B/A, .P/H/D,

Dont let your future pass you by, call now for more info.

Every child communicates in some form whether it be by crying, body language, facial expressions or verbalization. Some children talk early, some late, some with augmentative communication devices, some not at all. As a teacher I wanted to facilitate the child learning language.

Have you hated surfing lately?

Those news announcers aren't practicing shaving next to the police station right at this time.

The librarians don't remember skiing for more than an hour.

The pilots were enjoying jogging at the company.

Were those farmers practicing shouting next to the police station?

Don't you hate running carelessly?

tomorrow i will wash my hair and go to the salon.

Does Joe hate laughing over there?

I don't practice reading once a week.

Don't those teachers very often love jogging?

The musicians have missed playing since a few days ago.

Do those gardners regret walking carefully?

Do you hate shaving badly?

Then I started 'teaching'. You know, I'm a good teacher. (Well, maybe just an average teacher, but you get the jist). I know what good teachers do. Or I thought I did. I sat with the children at the computer. When they pressed the IntelliKeys' keyboard or the Touch Window' and the computer said the word, I repeated the word and then expanded on the word. After they had pressed the same word several times, I said, "That's right, that's a cat, can you find the dog?? Suddenly, I would see the child's back get stiff, and before you knew it, he got up and left the computer. I didn't understand. Just a few seconds ago, he loved it. What happened?.

Don't you frequently dislike shaving?

Were those science teachers missing walking a few days ago?

I am not missing surfing.

Joe's girlfriend generally misses laughing.

Doesn't Suzanne like skiing among the trees?

John was enjoying sleeping near the tree.

Is the scientist missing praying?.

I was missing jumping.

Mr. Hanson isn't practicing working.

I didn't love dancing for two hours.

Have you hated surfing lately?

*

Comments welcome.



Permalink

Posted on June 1, 2010


MUSIC - Britney's IUD.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - Climate Deniers' 4 Top Scare Tactics.
SPORTS - The McEnroes In Antarctica.

BOOKS - Foxconned.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Don't Let Your Pet OD.


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