Best Halloween Texts Ever

By The Beachwood Holiday Messaging Desk

Culled from Texts From Last Night.

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(513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

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(252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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(256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

(413): Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?

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(415): I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?

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(949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

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(571): Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.

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(708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

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(860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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(319): then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.

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(401): im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college

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(202): i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day

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(626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

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(440): so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce

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(309): I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.

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(919): Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.

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(719): I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.

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