Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
Ultra Local Geography
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Beachwood Inn Review: The Women's Bathroom

By Nick Shreders

Second in a series.

I had the pleasure of entering this hallowed ground after closing on a recent Saturday night. After patronizing the Beachwood Inn for the last couple years, the women's restroom was the last bastion of uncharted territory. I couldn't help but be reminded of Armstrong and Aldrin or Lewis and Clark.

Grossness Factor: 1 out of 10.


* 1 white plastic bucket underneath sink pipes
* 1 container of generic handsoap
* 1 full length mirror
* 1 picture of Minnie Mouse
* 1 roll toilet paper
* 1 roll hand towels
* 1 sink
* 1 toilet

Ambiance: The women's restroom is surprisingly clean and lacks graffiti. I don't recall ever being in a restroom at a bar that did not have some sort of witty statement or someone's phone number etched on the walls. This adds to the mystery of what it is that women really do when they gather behind closed doors in a restroom.

mmouse.jpgThe room itself is quite larger than the men's. It has a raised floor that goes back several feet to the toilet at which Minnie Mouse greets you from the back wall. Cream-colored floor tiles match the tiling on the walls. Every few wall tiles have a flower print that subtly reminds me of Picasso's Dove of Peace.

Bathroom Tissue: The bathroom tissue was soft enough and was in adequate supply. There was plenty of paper towels for one to dry their hands with.

Toilet: No review would be complete without properly utilizing the facilities.

I laid down some toilet paper around the seat, dropped my pants and sat down. The toilet was nearly spotless with the exception of a couple drops of urine on the rim, thus confirming my long-standing suspicions that men are not the only ones who do this.

There was no log in the toilet or urine pools on the floor. Everything was quite clean.

You should take under advisement that the toilet seat slides to the right a little, which I would not consider a safety hazard at this time but could lead to an embarrassment if one was intoxicated enough.

Throughout the day I had a couple Bloody Marys, a basket of extra red-hot chicken wings, and some chili-cheese tater tots; perfect for watching college football all day long. With the addition of a few Pabsts, I could feel trouble was brewing down below.

My stomach was the eye of the storm and through it this toilet was my Captain Ahab.

Five minutes later and it was my favorite part: the flush. I gave the handle a firm downward push and fortunately the toilet had excellent water pressure. I held on for a few seconds and pondered my next course of action in the event it were to overflow. There was no window to escape from but fortunately everything went down just fine.

I placed the toilet seat back down, washed my hands and turned off the light. The bar was closed and it was time to go home.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 flushes.


Comments welcome.


See also:
* Beachwood Inn Review: The Pinball Machine


Posted on November 9, 2009

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!