Chicago - Jul. 12, 2022
Music TV Politics Sports Books People Places & Things
Beachwood PP&T
Our monthly PP&T archive.
Rhymes for the Times.
Beachwood Bookmarks
So You've Decided To Be Evil
Vintage Beer Signs
Easy Bar Tricks
Best of Craigslist
Wacky Packages
Taquitos Snack Food Reviews
How Products Are Made
Everyday Mysteries
Chicago Zombie
Texts From Last Night
Fuck My Life
Awkward Family Photos
Ultra Local Geography
Best Pinball Machine Ever
Land of Sky Beer Waters
Calumet 412
Chicago Patterns
Vince Michael's Time Tells
Renegades of Funk Chicago
History vs. Hollywood

Tribune Air: Not So Much

Everybody seems to want to get into the airlines business these days--because it's so obviously profitable. There's Hooter's Air from the obnoxious restaurant people, Virgin Air from that doofus record store guy . . . I'm sure Starbucks Air is just around the corner, now that they've run out of corners. Here are some other airlines we can imagine filling up the skies.

Daley Air: Pals from Bridgeport can get clouted into first class. The mayor, however, is unaware of the passenger list--and has no idea how Angelo Torres became a captain or how the Duff family landed the airplane cleaning contract. Daley Air only flies in and out of O'Hare. So you can't really go anywhere, but the PR operation is so good you think you have. Smoking allowed.

How to Run An Airline
Blago Air: Only those in the exclusive Frequent Donors program get into first class. Fares are cheap, financed by massive borrowing. All kids fly free. Generous employee pension program. Rarely flies Downstate. Doesn't know how Tony Rezko got the food contract.

Cubs Air: Not so hot on fundamental maintenance, nor employee development. Planes covered in ivy. Advertising on all seat backs, and screens on the windows so no one can look in. The beer is overpriced but overflowing. Flies O'Hare to Midway once a summer. Doesn't fly past September.

Tribune Air: Seats remain in an uptight position. Red-eye flights are short and stupid. Fewer national and international routes as the company moves to control costs. Lousy reading material.

Beachwood Air: Killer jukebox. Lousy snack food. Seats in shape of barber chairs. On-time rate not great--remember, it's bar time. IDs checked closely at the gate. Regulars Class and Outsiders Class.


Posted on February 27, 2006

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


Search The Beachwood Reporter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Follow BeachwoodReport on Twitter

Beachwood Radio!