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A Beachwood Halloween

Scott Buckner is doing grown-up trick-or-treating this Halloween. I'm going door to door with just a shot glass.

- Buckner's Facebook feed

Not bad, Buckner, but don't stop there.

* Dress in rags and say you're the City of Chicago budget.

* Do your trick-or-treating the following day as a CTA bus or train. Because you're never on time.

* Dress like a Chicago cop and lug around a car battery and some jumper cables. You're Commander Jon Burge!

* Dress like a fish and smack people in the head when they answer the door. Tell them you're an Asian carp.

* Buy a Barack Obama mask. Go around stealing everyone's candy and give it to people working in banks.

* Dress yourself in fairy wings, a tiara, and a magic wand. Tell everyone you're a Republican.

* Dress up like an ass and tell everyone you're Todd Stroger. Don't worry - everyone in Cook County will know who you are.

* Screw this going door to door shit. Just dress up like a parking meter, sit down curbside on any Chicago street, and go home with $2,800 in quarters by the end of the day.

* Dress up like The Great and Powerful Oz and tell everyone you're Michael Madigan.

* Dress up like God and tell everyone you're Rahm Emanuel.

* Just wander about aimlessly yelling at the sky and tell everyone you're a Tea Party candidate. Or Glenn Beck.

* Wrap yourself in last week's newspaper and say that you are today's Sneed column.

* Go as Jesse Jackson Jr.'s career - cover yourself in ashes and your own self-entitled excrement.

* Put blinders on, fill your ears with cotton, defiantly fold your arms and go as the Holdout Juror.

* Go as Rod Blagojevich in Prison - spend all Halloween cowering in the corner muttering "Not in my hair!"

* Go as an alderman - dress as a sheep in handcuffs

* Go as Oprah. Once you get your candy, tell everyone to fuck off and move to Los Angeles.

* Dress as a bank. Go around kicking homeless people out of their cardboard boxes and take their stuff.

* Go as a Tribune Company executive. Tell any attractive woman giving you candy that she has nice tits.

* Cover yourself in shredded paper and say that you are what's left of the Trib's dignity.

* Dress up like Ricketts family and instead of begging for candy, go door-to-door seeing if you can unload Carlos Zambrano on someone.

- Scott Buckner, Drew Adamek

Comments welcome.



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Posted on October 14, 2010


MUSIC - Remembering Juice WRLD.
TV - This Is Why Children's TV Is So Weird.
POLITICS - Protocols Of The Elders Of The Republican Party.
SPORTS - Audition Time For The Bears.

BOOKS - Americans Still Wrong About Climate Change.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Beachwood Gift Guide: Chicago Photo Booth.


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