Chicago - Oct. 22, 2019
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One Giant Step for Fishkind

By The Beachwood Fishkind Affairs Desk
The company cited Fishkind's years of experience and contributions to the company and his community in announcing his appointment.

Posted on March 30, 2007

What Kind Of Town Is Chicago?

By The Beachwood Introspection Affairs Desk
Are we a Leopold town or a Loeb town?

Posted on March 28, 2007

Barista! Even Blended Frozen Drinks Cannot Bring Me Down

By Maude Perkins
A customer informs us that our district manager is the most self-centered, egotistical person he has ever overheard. Our customers are getting smarter every day.

Posted on March 26, 2007

The Jewel Instant Oatmeal Trivia Quiz

By The Beachwood Trivia Affairs Desk
You may be smarter than Apples & Cinammon Jewel Instant Oatmeal, but are you smarter than Maple & Brown Sugar Jewel Instant Oatmeal? We don't think so.

Posted on March 22, 2007

Open Letter

Dear Person Who Let Their Dog Defecate Near The Southeast Corner Of 58th And Kimbark:
If I could subpoena every dog within a couple of miles for a stool sample so we could positively ID you with the DNA in your own dog's shit, I would. In fact, there should be a city-wide dog shit DNA database for just this purpose.

Posted on March 20, 2007

Barista! McCoffeeland Looms

By Maude Perkins
A plea to Head Bean: Heed Barista's call before you end up with indoor playgrounds and a do-gooder mascot.

Posted on March 15, 2007

Chicago Unrated

By The Beachwood Best Places Affairs Desk
Chicago: Not one of the 50 Best Places to Live.

Posted on March 11, 2007

Open Letter

Dear People Who Normally Park in the 5300 to 5500 Blocks of S. Shore Drive:
A Northwestern University engineer surmised that "a derivative of a law of physics applies - conservation of cars. They did not disappear or cross over to a parallel universe." Still, they are gone.

Posted on March 6, 2007

Barista! Sans Clown

By Maude Perkins
We abide by a mentality to cater to nitpicky drink requests, but let's be honest, people have taken this small, innocent privilege and shit all over it.

Posted on March 5, 2007

Cab #1490

Despite the nagging sense that no part of Driver #1490's barrage of facts and figures enhanced my ride or my life in any way, it was delivered with charm and genuine warmth.

Posted on March 4, 2007

Cab #843

Daring, a little crazy, ultimately kind of pointless, and oddly unsettling.

Posted on March 4, 2007

MUSIC - College Radio, Eh?
TV - The Sublime Hong Kong Phooey.
POLITICS - CTU Strike Notebook.
SPORTS - Official Power Tools Of MiLB.

BOOKS - Trump Trade Guy's Fake Expert.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - Renaming Lake Shore Drive.


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