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Foolin' Fish Spray

CThe Beachwood Fool A Fish  small  sup TM  sup   small  Affairs Desk
Hungry fish can't resist it!

Posted on January 27, 2007

Off the Juice: Week 1

By Natasha Julius
I find myself running a lot of my meals through the blender because I just can't be bothered to chew every bite 25 times.

Posted on January 26, 2007

Cab #5746

How many service employees would be willing to float well-informed yet controversial moon landing hoax conspiracy theories in mixed company? That takes guts, my friend, and Driver #5746 has them in spades.

Posted on January 26, 2007

Barista! Assistant Managing

By Maude Perkins
When District Manager Nimrod scoots on over from Pizza Hut without ever drinking a cup of coffee and barks orders at the people who have espresso endlessly caked under their fingernails, the system tends to break down.

Posted on January 23, 2007

Barista! Glazed and Confused

By Maude Perkins
One of these days (probably in February when I'm over the resolution thing), I'm going to emphasize to him that he can buy those cool French press things, and decaf espresso, and do it his goddamn self.

Posted on January 18, 2007

No Hugs On The CTA

By Scott Buckner
Bring pleasant "back" to the commute? I was raised in Chicago, and I've had countless encounters with the CTA. Commutes have never been a pleasant undertaking.

Posted on January 16, 2007

On the Juice: Day 14

By Natasha Julius
Hunger was not much of a factor today; I was more preoccupied with the dizziness.

Posted on January 14, 2007

On the Juice: Day 13

By Natasha Julius
I abandoning my grocery shopping plans when it suddenly occurred to me that I no longer have any idea how to plan a meal.

Posted on January 13, 2007

On the Juice: Day 12

By Natasha Julius
A motor like a top-fuel racer and a glory hole the size of Texas. Yup, today my new juicer arrived.

Posted on January 12, 2007

On the Juice: Day 11

By Natasha Julius
Sometimes you've got to hit the bottle.

Posted on January 11, 2007

On the Juice: Day 10

By Natasha Julius
Neither from Brussels nor (really) sprouts. Discuss. But don't juice.

Posted on January 10, 2007

On the Juice: Day 9

By Natasha Julius
For the first time during this fast, I got behind the wheel of a car. I can comfortably say I wasn't the most high-risk driver out there.

Posted on January 9, 2007

On the Juice: Day 8

By Natasha Julius
When moving the jaw becomes a bit more novel, it's suddenly a major event.

Posted on January 8, 2007

The O'Hare UFO: What It Really Was

By The Beachwood Spinning Disc Shaped Object Affairs Desk
Most likely, the UFO spotted at O'Hare was a CIA rendition ship or Kanye West's ride.

Posted on January 8, 2007

On the Juice: Day 7

By Natasha Julius
Can I really go another week without any seasonings? Can I stand another seven days without any texture? And more importantly, can I make to next Sunday with a bright-green tongue?

Posted on January 7, 2007

On the Juice: Day 6

By Natasha Julius
Dinner parties are all about trust and intimacy. To consume food, to put it in your mouth and to swallow it is a fundamentally intimate act. If you've sworn off that particular act, you've fallen outside the social unit - and you can't get back in.

Posted on January 6, 2007

On the Juice: Day 5

By Natasha Julius
The thought of chewing and then swallowing food has become completely foreign and somewhat frightening to me. I'm again trying to balance the intellectual knowledge that I've had plenty of nourishment with the physical reality that my stomach is empty.

Posted on January 5, 2007

On The Juice: Day 4

By Natasha Julius
My one big cheat, the one thing not technically sanctioned by the faster's code of ethics, is toothpaste. I'm not saying I've deep-throated a tube of it or anything, but if the gates of fasting heaven are closed to those who brush, I'll roasting in hell with my plaque-free smile.

Posted on January 4, 2007

On The Juice: Day 3

By Natasha Julius
I keep thinking someone's going to ask me a question and I'll just stare blankly at them and get a nose bleed, but so far I've actually managed to respond to every inquiry in fairly clean and concise fashion.

Posted on January 3, 2007

Barista! Bucket Brigade

By Maude Perkins
Who knew where that missing glove had been? I mean, besides floating around the cocoa urn.

Posted on January 3, 2007

On The Juice: Day 2

By Natasha Julius
You might think exploding grapes have infinite entertainment value. You'd be wrong.

Posted on January 2, 2007

The Year in Preview: 2007

By The Beachwood Crystal Ball Affairs Desk
A rough year in store for Mark Prior, Todd Stroger, K-Fed, and the governor of Illinois.

Posted on January 2, 2007

On The Juice: Day 1

By Natasha Julius
Our correspondent goes on a two-week juice fast. From a psychedelic point of view, it's paying off already.

Posted on January 1, 2007

MUSIC - 25 Years Of Defiant Chicago Roots.
TV - The Real Climate Crisis Hypocrites.
POLITICS - Trump Wants Bush Torture Guy.
SPORTS - How Rihanna Won The Super Bowl.

BOOKS - Lori Lightfoot's Libraries.

PEOPLE PLACES & THINGS - The History Of Blaming Games.


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