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Existential Rock

A guide-in-progress. New additions: The great questions posed by BTO, Sammy Hagar, Kansas, Kiss and more!

1. Is everything really gonna be alright?

2. Is it really better to burn out than fade away?

3. Is a dream a lie that don't come true, or is it something worse?

4. How long has this been going on?

5. Do you really get what you need if you try sometime? Because that hasn't been my experience.

6. Why yes, actually she did go down on me in a theater.

7. How many roads must a man walk down?

8. If you were to really 'turn the beat around,' and in fact then 'turn it upside down,' wouldn't you be back where you started?

9. How can you have a song with no melody, and why would you give it to your friends?

10. When that dude went to O'Malley's to meet the chick he met in the personals and saw his wife, wouldn't his reaction be more like, "Holy shit, what are you doing here!" instead of a sweet "Oh, it's you"?

11. If it never rains in California, how can it pour?

12. When the guy asks, 'Do you wanna make love, or do you just wanna fool around?' he's gonna be pissed if she answers the wrong way, right?

13. What if I want to get it on, but I'd prefer not to bang a gong?

14. Is this the beginning, or is it the end?

15. Is it okay to enjoy "Sweet Home Alabama" while being mortified at the content of the song?

16. How does your light shine on the road to Shambala?

17. If there's gonna be a jailbreak tonight, somewhere in this town, aren't chances pretty good that it'll probably be at the jail? Rather than, say, somewhere else in this town?

18. Are Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Elvis and Kurt Cobain really playing in a band together in heaven? And they get along?

19. Do hips really not lie? Because that hasn't been my experience.

20. Now, what is it again that he'll do everything but for love?

21. Why do we keep getting fooled again no matter how many times we sing that we won't? Could it be that this song makes no sense?

22. Does "have you never been mellow" mean ever or never?

23. If everyday you write the book, does that mean it won't be finished until you're dead?

24. I know I'm vain, but the song is about me, right?

25. Are we in love, or just friends?

26. If you never stop once you're started up, why do you need to be started up?

27. Why would the elevator break us down? Wouldn't it be the elevator that would break down?

28. How can something be more than a feeling? Does that mean it's a fact?

29. Whatever gets you through the night?

30. When the wind cries Mary, does Mary reply "Let it be"?

31. Is Rocky Mountain Way really better than the way we had?

32. Is any love good love? Should you really just take what you can get?

33. Don't Catholic girls start sooner? Isn't that the point of Catholic girls?

34. Is it really true that sometimes love don't feel like it should?

35. Can we really work it out? Because my experience says no.

36. Is there really no mountain high enough? 'Cause I think there is.

37. Could wild horses really not drag him away? Because I think they can.

38. No, seriously, why can't we be friends?

39. Is a house in Hackensack all you get for your money?

40. So, who will stop the rain?

41. If authority always wins, why are you so damn cheerful singing about fighting it?

42. Shouldn't we celebrate instead of mourn the night they drove old Dixie down? Dixie sucks.

43. Should we go ahead and jump - or stand in the place where we live?

44. How exactly does a rolling stone feel?

45. Don't we all know what goes on behind closed doors?

46. When John Lennon sings "power to the people," which people does he mean exactly? Because, to me, "the people" are those folks you see at Taste of Chicago. Those are "the people." And they have enough power.

47. Is it okay to love Rush despite their devotion to Ayn Rand?

49. Are we really just dust in the wind? Or are we stardust in the wind?

50. When you say "life is a highway," you mean it's the Kennedy at rush hour, right?

51. Actually I think a lot of people really know what time it is, don't they? Astronomers, maybe?

52. Is it true that even the losers get lucky sometimes?

53. Is Heaven really not too far away?

54. Is it really true that what the world needs now is love, sweet love? And that it's the only thing that there's just too little of? Maybe one of the things, but the only thing?

55. We've debunked the idea that all you need is love, right?

56. Yes, she really is going out with him. Just sayin'.

57. It's okay to really love "My Sweet Lord" even if you're not a believer, right? Just don't sing the bad parts. Same with all those great Dylan gospel songs.

58. "These five words I swear to you, I'll be there for you." Well, I guess if a contraction is one word.

59. "Brown Sugar" is incredibly creepy and offensive, right?

60. Do fat-bottomed girls really make the rockin' world go 'round? 'Cause I'm not so sure about that. Maybe they make the roadie world go 'round, at best.

61. Actually, cocaine does lie.

62. Doesn't heaven have a doorbell?

63. If it feels like the first time, does that mean it feels awkward and, um, quick? Wouldn't it be better to feel like at least the fourth time, if not the fiftieth or five-hundredth or five-thousandth? 'Cause those times feel a lot better.

64. Look, when you have a woman you cry and when you have no woman, you cry.

65. Even if the water isn't troubled you need a bridge to get over it.

66. Doves cry? And this is what it sounds like?

67. Why ask a tambourine man to play a song for you? There's not a lot you can do with that thing.

68. Don't the oaks have at least some sympathy for the maples?

69. So, mama, I just killed a man for no apparent reason, put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead, but a lot of people want the judge to let me go.

70. I've found that you can leave just fine even if you haven't checked out.

71. Actually you should always count your money when you're sitting at the table, otherwise you won't really know where you're at.

72. If he can't get no satisfaction, maybe he's not trying hard enough.

73. It kind of is hard to imagine no countries or possessions. Anarchy? One-world government? And can I still have my records?

74. Wasn't it more compassionate that Lucille left with a crop in the field than leaving without one?

75. If Eddie Rabbitt loves a rainy night, why doesn't he live in Seattle?

76. Should we really not fear the Reaper? I mean, really, he's a scary dude.

77. So if you stay, the trouble will be double? Doesn't seem like a tough call.

78. Don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy.

79. Is whatever gets you through the night kind of like love the one you're with?

80. Should we be partying now like it's 2099?

81. If you shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die, doesn't that make you some sort of sick fuck, instead of a musical hero?

82. Okay, yes, I shot the deputy too. Can we move on?

83. Does the road really go on forever?

84. Will Rhiannon ever win?

85. If it makes you happy, why are you so damn sad?

86. Beth, what can I do?

87. Wouldn't you rather pour sugar on her?

88. What is Bono looking for?

89. So you're so lonesome you could cry, but not so lonesome to actually be crying?

90. Yes, I will love you tomorrow. But then, that could be the beer and my erection talking.

91. If you can't live with or without someone, why aren't you dead?

92. Was it really you and me who killed the Kennedys?

93. Where did our love go?

94. R. Kelly may believe he can fly, but he can't, you know.

95. Yes, I do want to touch you there. And you know where.

96. Didn't you just put a name on Ruby Tuesday?

97. If you're such a loser, why don't you just kill yourself?

98. Look, you can't believe everything you hear through the grapevine.

99. So how long is it to the point of know return?

100. There's actually several ways to rock, right?

101. If you want to rock and roll all night and party every day, aren't you just saying you want to do either/or for 24 hours?

102. When are we finally going to see something if we ain't seen nothing yet? Or is nothing what we ain't seen, meaning we've been seeing something?

103. Why does the new wave that's coming stop in East California instead of going all the way to the coast?


Send us your comments and contributions. Together, we can unlock the rock and roll code.


Posted on October 13, 2009

MUSIC - Chief Keef Changed The Industry.
TV - Vizio's Best Product Is You.
POLITICS - UIC: Soda Taxes Work.
SPORTS - More McCaskey Malpractice.

BOOKS - All About Poop.


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